Keep in mind….

Things to keep in mind while trying to evict Kevin & Leroy:

1. Regular exercise is essential.
Lifting food to ones mouth does not constitute exercise.

2. Drink lots of water every day.
While coffee may be made using water, it does not count.

3. Healthy fats are things like avocado and olives, not doughnuts eaten while standing on or near a treadmill.

4. You will not turn into a Gremlin if you eat after midnight.
Your posterior will multiply to such degree, however, that even Gremlins will avoid being seen in public with you.

5. It is good to set goals.
It is NOT good to celebrate every hour that passes without gluttony by eating a piece of cake.
Or pie.

6. Increasing the amount of fiber in your diet will help you feel full.
Drinking large amounts of Metimusil is not the way to do this.  Your toilet will not like you.

7. Vegetables are your friend.
Do not just “visit” them at the store, asking them how their day was.  You actually need to take them home….

8. There is a garbage disposal in the sink for that extra food on someone else’s plate.  No need for you to clean it up with your facehole.

9. Apples are good for you.
Apple pie does not count.  The same goes for sweet potatoes and pumpkins.

10. Eating a full breakfast early in the morning is a great way to jump-start your metabolism.
12.01am might technically be “the next day,” but it is not the time for breakfast.  Also, chips and salsa is not breakfast.

11. You should aim to get in shape.
“Round” is not an acceptable shape.

12. I cannot stress how important it is to hydrate.
Put down the potato chips. I did NOT say carbo-hydrate.

13. Running after a Toddler will actually help you burn calories.
Lifting and throwing him out the window repeatedly may also give you killer biceps….