My brother rocked the Punky Brewster shoes.
So, maybe I should share with you all photos of myself when I was thirteen?
Like this one of me and my lil’ bro sitting on the washing machine with our bike helmets on, singing together while we eat our popsicles? I never would have admitted it then, but my little brother was secretly my best friend. The poor guy also had to suffer my hand-me-downs. Note the Punky Brewster sneakers he is wearing.
Or maybe this photo of me and the other kids from our 2 area schools who went to be in the All State Chorus Concert. Yep, that’s right, peeps. Sarcastic Teen rocked the vocals, awwww-yeah! Unfortunately, she also rocked the orange pants with navy polka dots and the matching (not so much?) navy socks. Arrrrgh.
Don’t you love the facial expressions on the guys in this photo, btw?
There’s also this slightly weirdish photo of me with my cat. And honestly, I really did not love him in THAT way. I had that smouldering look down, though, didn’t I? I was probably practicing for when I would meet Joey McIntyre. Heh. Also, yes, my room was always filthy, but the real question is: How do you like my orange curtains and blue rug? Badass, right? *stifling laughter*
Perhaps I could also show you pictures of me Thirteen years ago, when I was 18.
Like this one, where I’m on a bus on the way to Bush Gardens – our Senior Trip. Yes, that is the lamest senior trip ever. But we made it fun by smuggling screwdrivers onto the bus for the trip. Underage drinking - Gotta love it!
Then there’s this one, taken of me in Drama Class. You can see how hard we are all working. It was not unusual for “Drama Class” to actually mean, “Hour Of The Day When We Goof Off And Do Nothing Productive.” I LOVED me some Drama Class. Notice how I am “acting” in the photo. That was “pretend mad face.” It is a wonder I never made it big, I tell you! *snort*
And I guess I can’t get away with not showing you my prom picture. Hi Neil! Neil was my boyfriend back in the day. Aren’t our matching haircuts cute? I wore those heels for the picture (mostly b/c his mom was paying for the pictures) but the rest of the night I was in Reefs. And that dress only cost $30, and I didn’t even wash my hair that day after going to the beach. Cause I’m classy and I cared about social events that much! Also? I was not wearing any underwear. Boo-yah!
Ahh, 13 years old and 13 years ago. At both times there was still so much life ahead and my head was still full of so much life.
And my body was so much not full of gravity.
Let’s see what happens with the next 13 years. Maybe then I’ll be looking back at pictures of my 2008 Muffin-Top Gut wondering why I used to think it was so bad. 
Don’t act like it’s never happened to you.
Well, my friends, it looks
like Gastroenteritis
Fest ‘Oh-Eight is done.
I never knew that
my butthole could imitate
a waterfall. Wow.
And did you know that
after forty-eight hours of
nothing but fluids…
Dry toast tastes kind of
like the best gourmet meal that’s
ever been prepared?
And I wanted to
mention to all of you guys
that you should never
post about something
that you “hope doesn’t happen.”
TEMPT YE NOT THE FATES!
Read the last line of
my last post to discover
my last misfortune.
That’s right. You saw it.
I hit “publish,” and then I…
I… sharted. Again.
Yeah. Go Ahead. Laugh.
Really. Laugh. Poop is funny!
Especially sharts.
Seriously though.
Non-stop pooping and farting?
Not my bag, baby.
For your nipple viewing pleasure.
Yup. That’s right. Today, I am going to go all out and show my nipple.
You see, some time ago, I asked everyone around these parts to ask me some questions.
I said that I would answer them all.
You are probably thinking (if you’ve been around awhile, or especially if you asked a question)… “Yeah, Lotus, you sure did SAY you were going to answer them all, but you sure as hell haven’t DONE that.”
I did not say how long I would take to do so, though.
BUT FEAR YE NOT.
Every.Single.One will be answered in due time. And some of them in far too many words, as I am known to over-do everything, especially talking and writing.
Today, I address a question left on that post which seemed quite a lot like a request.
And, boy am I ever eager to please! It must have something to do with my insecure nature.
“karastav” asked, (in Haiku form, even!):
Will we ever see
a photo of your nipple
its such a nice rack?
And like I said, I must be insecure, because I just can’t pass up an opportunity to give my readers what they want.
So, Yes, karastav, you will see a photo of my nipple.
Here it is:
What? I may be insecure from here until infinity, but I’m no Cheap Floosy!
I only show my nipples to my husband.
Oh, and I guess, to my son. He breastfed for awhile, after all.
And my Gynocologist. She even gets to feel them up!
Oh, yeah, and the girls I have slumber parties with, when we’re showering together. That’s before the full-contact pillow fighting. But after the naked JELLO-Wrestling.
But that’s about it, really. Yeah. No Internet Nipples.
Not today, anyways.
Do you think this will mentally scar him?
*
My kid is clearly beautiful… and feminine.
Really… If you didn’t know… would you know?
Cause, apparently, even when he looks like this?
People don’t know.
“I love her shirt!”
“Really? I love his penis. Cause it’s right between his legs. Where penises grow. On boys.”
PS: At least I didn’t paint his fingernails pink, so leave me alone.
Next time, though, I am totally gonna put cute, little bows in his hair.
*
This is technically supposed to be a “Wordless Wednesday,” but apparently, I am incapable of actually just posting a picture, and no words. (Seriously, of all the times I’ve said it was “Wordless Wednesday,” I think maybe ONCE I didn’t type anything.) And I’m really starting to feel guilty for lying to such fine people as yourselves. So, um, that’s why I made the button. I’ll be doing “Less-Words Wednesdays” from now on. Whew! Now I can finally sleep at night. *snort*
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