Haik’use me, your thyroid’s F’D up, lady.

The levels of my
Thyroid Antibodies are
Insanely high, yo.

 A quick update on my thyroid labwork.  I finally got a nurse on the phone a couple of days ago.  She told me a few things that aren’t so awesome.

First of all, a bit of history: My levels have, in the past, been skewed such that the THS (which supresses your thyroid) was low… meaning my thyroid was actually running faster than it’s supposed to.  Before anyone gets all jealous (that b*tch had built-in weight loss hormones!) it was not enough to make me lose weight.  (You’ll remember, I was told, ”It’s not bad enough for us to medicate yet.”) It was just enough to make me feel like supremo crap – nervous, tired, moody, and anxiety prone.  That has been the case whenever I had it checked from 2005 up until now. 

Also, thyroid antibodies were detected at such levels that I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  That basically means that my body created an army to take out my thyroid, as if it were a foreign body, and is regularly attacking and mutilating the poor thing. As such, I have Goiter – a swollen, hurting, sad, whiny, crying thyroid that is just screaming out – “Pweease, pweease, stop hoorting me!”  I regularly feel like someone is choking me, and it’s hard to swallow sometimes.  *whine, moan, cry*

So, onto the current events.

I finally got my nurse on the phone, and she says, “Your thyroid hormones are normal.”

At first, you would think this is good news, right?  Ahh, grasshopper, but no.  Because what that means is that the “hyper” phase has now switched and the hormone level is heading in the other direction.  And good folks, what that means is that before long I’ll enter the “true” phase of hypothyroidism. 

But the fun continues.

“Your thyroid antibodies are incredibly high.  So much so that Dr. Crowe wants you to go see an Endocrinologist.”

How high are we talking, people?

There are 2 measured antibodies.

TPO - Normal Range: 0 – 34, My Result: 216
Anti-Thyroglobulin – Normal Range: 0 – 40, My Result: 849

And apparently, when your thyroid is taking a beating from an antibody level that high, it’s enough to cause the symptoms I’m experiencing (depression, fatigue, loss of libido, dry skin, brittle nails, weight gain….), even if the other hormones measure “normal.” 

Well, butter my biscuit.

So, no relief for me yet.  I’m on the waiting list for the best Endocrinologist in town.  At some point, I’ll get an appointment, and more tests will need to be done (and paid for – with what? my bellybutton lint?)… and maybe one day, I’ll get some medicine to help me feel better and be happy.

Maybe one day.

And hopefully we won’t have to sell Braden on the black market to afford all of this.

(In China, of course, where boys fetch more… what? So I’ve done my research….)

Go see my face.

The Doldrums

So, the past few days have been… okay.  Ups and downs.  A high desire to just sleep.  I’ve only threatened John’s life a handful of times, and I swear, I have been limiting my thoughts of poking him in the eye with my thumb to a minimum of 5 a day.  In all fairness, every time I tell him, “I’m going to slap you,”  he responds with, “I’ll punch you in the face.”  So, you know, I’m obviously not the only one with anger issues around here.  Also, there is still no desire for business.  Please pray for John’s continued sanity.

As part of my desire to be a better mother, I’ve really been working on my “closet problem” with Braden.  Although I haven’t been able to stop myself from putting him in there frequently, at least I’ve limited the amount of time he had to stay there.  Two hours at a time is really kind of me, right?

Additionally, The Mexican has still been spared the fate of the microwave, although I do have to admit that I’ve recently been considering putting him in the crock pot instead, anyway.  Less mess, and who knows?  He might be nice and tender… I’ve been so lazy about preparing meals lately….

Oh, yeah.  The jerks still haven’t called me with the results from my thyroid labwork. But guess what came in the mail today?  THE BILL.  The MF’ing bill.  Including a test for Thyroid Antibodies, WHICH I DIDN’T NEED.  See, I have ALREADY been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  That means that antibodies have already been detected.  And there’s this thing about your body where ANTIBODIES DON’T JUST DISAPPEAR.    I am livid about having this bill in my hand already when I have been given no results, and I am livid about the cost. 

THREE HUNDRED EIGHTY SEVEN DOLLARS. 

Did you choke?  Cause when I saw that, my vagina literally just fell off my body.  Hey, I haven’t been using it lately anyway, so, no big deal, right? But come ON!  And, of course, the test I didn’t need was the most expensive one.

So, you know… I’m just a tiny, litte bit PISSED OFF.

The weather is not helping my mood.  Today = Grey.  The clouds are grey, the sky is grey, THE WORLD IS FREAKING GREY.  But no snow!  No, not here!  If it has to be so dreary and bleary and cold and crappy, it would be nice if we could have a gee golly winter wonderland out there.  At least then it would look SHINY as well as WHITE, instead of GREY.

Seriously.  I hate this.  Outside, it looks like if you tasted it, you’d have that bitter aspirin taste in your mouth.

Today, outside tastes yucky.  And that makes me sad.