Also, washing dishes is so last year.

04.15.09 Wisdom

The past couple of weeks has been a blur.

Kind of a purple blur, if you know what I mean.  If you don’t, well.  I don’t have words eloquent enough to explain it to you.  She does, though.

As the days pass I’m learning lessons about love, loss, friendship, and allowing myself to just let go and be led (by what, I’m not entirely sure – my heart, mind, conscience, Brigade of Righteous Gnomes?) to do what seems right.

Not waiting for a permission slip to do good, or a forgiveness for past good that should have been done elsewhere, but was not.  Not overly worried about my rightful place or whatever.  Just letting myself be led by whatever the heck the thingie is that’s leading me.

Wow, that is so clearly stated!

So much of my life I’ve looked back over my shoulder half the time and the other half, I’ve spent worrying about every little detail of what I should be doing.

Just doing that living and growing thing for now.  Feeling maybe too much and acting perhaps with too much emotion. (Which is really not unlike me at all, anyway. Big Ball of Emotions, FTW!)

I tend to quite regularly rely on a personal shtick of humorous complaining.

Lately, nothing I want to complain about seems worth the energy by the time the breath hits my lips.

Energy is much better spent elsewhere.

And I am so not talking about the laundry.

And so lately, I’ve: Listed Walks, Walked in Maddie’s Honor, Pressed Pretty Purple Paper, Talked to Mah Beloved Crackah Beeshes, Held My Loved Ones Closer.

Clean/Unwrinkled clothing is SO overrated.

(And just for the record so are mopped floors.)

Walk For Maddie

For 2010 March for Maddie Information and Teams, please CLICK HERE.

Click Here for How To Start A MoD Walk 4 Maddie Team

********


April 7th, 2009, Madeline Alice Spohr unexpectedly passed away. Now, people all over are coming together to honor her and her family.  This post will show you a few ways you can do the same.

People around the country are organizing teams to walk in Maddie’s honor at their upcoming March of Dimes Walks. It is so easy for you to join in.  Just sign up with the team close to you and go walk that day.

I’ll update here as new teams are announced.

Facebook Walk Teams Group

Click Here for How To Start A MoD Walk 4 Maddie Team

Click to see a map of teams so far, it’s pretty darn cool.

Teams assembled so far:

(alphabetical by state)

*Organizers: please inform me of your teams so I can add them.

If you want to join one of these teams and walk for Maddie – please make sure you click over to the team page and sign up to join that team, so that you’ll be on the roster. It’s very easy and free, so make sure you complete that step so each team knows who’s walking with them!

It will ask you to enter an amount as you goal when you sign up.  Just enter anything – you can edit it later if you want. Don’t sweat that part, just throw something down and sign on.

Service for Madeline: Tuesday April 14 at 2:30 pm, Old North Church, Forest Lawn, Hollywood Hills.

Central Page for all things Maddie:
March for Maddie

More information:
For Maddie
March for Maddie
Mad About Maddie Spohr (Paypal button code here!)
In Maddie’s Name
Flickr Group In Honor of Maddie (anything to honor her, including photos of you in purple for her)

Madeline Alice Spohr – this photo was posted by many at 2:30 Pacific Time 4/14 to honor Maddie

Operation Purple Balloon – Please Participate!

Purple for Maddie Spohr – if you’re wearing purple for Maddie, or turned your blog or twitter page/avatar purple for her, please add your link to the appropriate section here.

Beautiful Memorial Video For Maddie by newrose

Shirts have been designed (by Heather Durdil) in purple with Maddie’s face on them.  These are available for purchase here: Maddie’s T’s All proceeds go to The Spohr Family.

John, Braden and I are committed to Nashville Team Maddie. We’d love for anyone in the surrounding areas to join our team and walk along with us.

Information for the Nashville Walk:

Nashville Team Maddie Page – please go there and register with our team!

April 19, 2009
Centennial Park
2500 West End Ave
Nashville, TN 37203

If you can’t walk with us, please make a donation: any amount will help us get to our team goal for Maddie. (These donations are in Maddie’s name, even though the account carries my name – I had to create a profile to be able to create “Nashville Team Maddie.”)
Thank you so very much.

You can also still offer to help Heather & Mike with expenses via Paypal: formaddie@hotmomreviews.com

Or donate to March of Dimes directly through Maddie’s Original Donation Page

PS: Any incentives earned from donations to the Nashville Team Maddie walk team will be turned over directly to The Spohrs.

Twenty-Four Hours.

Today, Saturday, marks the one week point.  It’s been one week since the bleeding of miscarriage began.  One week since I sat on the toilet, with Braden happily splashing in the tub to my left, looking down at the blood in disbelief.  Just one week since I began crying hysterically as more blood came.  One week since I fumbled the phone, almost dropping it into the toilet, to give my husband the worst news I have ever delivered to anyone.

One week since I laid my face on the floor next to the bathtub crying, begging out loud that this not be what I thought it was.  One week since I sobbed uncontrollably there, and Braden giggled in response because he thought I was laughing.

Last Friday night, I took this photo.
Tired And Emotional

I was tired and emotional after watching a movie and thinking of an old hurt.

I attributed much of my emotional response then to pregnancy hormones.  You know how they are.

Almost exactly 24 hours after I took this photo, I started bleeding; miscarrying.

Twenty-four hours after that, I was waiting with high anxiety and nervous trepidation to visit my doctor the next morning for blood tests.

Twenty-four hours later yet, I was standing in my kitchen, having not received the test results yet, speaking to my (empty) uterus with fractured, clinging hope.

“Are you still in there?  Is it possible?  I love you.  Please fight; please hold on, little baby.”

That night, I fell asleep while I repeated the same thing over and over again in my head.

“God, please let my baby live.  God, please let my baby live.  God, please….”

The photo is sad irony. 

It is a perfect portrait of how I feel right now.

All I can hope for is for each new 24 hour passage to take me closer to whole again.

Tired And Emotional

I’m scared.

© Copyright 2007-2011 i am lotus - Designed by Pexeto