Okay, first of all…

John: Someone else has suggested I do this. It’s an assignment. You may not use this as an excuse to spout off about Terry Hatcher or Rene Zellweger, or any other old or pasty tarts.

*Ahem*

My first ‘Meme’ on Sarcastic Mom!

I’ve been tagged by Dawn, who has been tagged, but is still working on hers….

[You should do this meme: http://toddleddredge.wordpress.com/2007/10/07/that-meme/ I'm tagged for it and won't get it done right away - so I'm tagging you in advance.] -dawn

(there’s my memetag. see, I’m learning the rules!)

“Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With”

(If I Were Single and They Were Real, But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way, So Maybe We Should Forget This….)

1. Louis Creed, from Pet Sematary. Okay, see, I read Stephen King near religiously. And even when I read that book YEARSANDYEARS ago, I thought he was delicious. So naïve to evil, so determined, and dedicated to his family in unimaginably hideous, yet cavalier ways. I mean, he went through hell (almost literally) to bring back his son, and his wife, from death. That’s sexy.
2. Probably because I was just thinking of him the other day, Ponyboy Curtis, from The Outsiders quickly comes to mind. I read this book, upon the urging of a good friend, when I was in the 8th grade. I felt sinful, sitting on the swing of our front porch in the late afternoon sun, wishing I could just kiss away all his sadness when I came to the part where he read the Frost poem. Gaaaahhhh….
3. Captian Ahab from Moby Dick. One word: Obsession.
4. I feel pretty trashy already, and this one will just make it WAY worse… but if I’m going to be honest, I have to mention Lestat from the Vampire Series by Anne Rice. I became incredibly obsessed with these books while I was in high school and college (yes, even before the movie). This guy is deliciously evil… and yet, his heart is tortured by his actions and his past… his very being. *sigh* I thought my mind was going to explode when I read Memnoch the Devil. I wanted to `boingyboingy` away all of Lestat’s pains. And then all of his not pains. And then anything in between.
5. Schroeder in the Charlie Brown Comic Series (do comics count? Haha) Just to get him away from that damn piano, for once.
6. From another high-school read, this one required, let’s go with Mercutio, in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Go ahead, roll your eyes. But look at this guy. There’s the mystery of not having gotten to really know him… and at the same time, just look at what you do know. Fiery, passionate, willing to die for his friend. I’m in. Of course, you’re gonna have to get at him before Tybalt does. Damn you, Tybalt!
7. Hopping back over to King again, I’m going to go for the gritty with Roland Deschain of The Dark Tower Series. This character… well, he could bend a car in half with his teeth while juggling flaming bottles of vodka with his penis, standing barefoot on razor blades. I’m convinced of it. You could drive an axe into his back and then pour acid in the wound, and he’d ask what was tickling his back. I’m going with him just for the Umph.
8. People seem to overlook Samwise Gamgee of J.R.R Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I think this pick is based on desire fueled by dreamy admiration. Sam is unfailingly at the side of his companion. He is loyal to a fault, and a steadfast protector. He is strong whenever his friend is weak. Plus, he cooks. It’s a no-brainer.
9. Is it entirely wrong to say Arthur “Boo” Radley from To Kill a Mockingbird? I always felt, like, this weird desire to know more about him. He was made out to be this silent, heroic figure of misunderstood innocence. Don’t you want to make him all better? Sexual healing? No? Hm.
10. And, since we’re “iffing” it up, anyway… if I were a lesbian, Kay Scarpetta, of the series of books by Patricia Cornwell. Why? Sheesh, have you read any of these? Because she’s intelligent and disarming, has a hot bod, likes wine, and is an all-around badass.

Whew. That was not so easy to do. It proves I have not been reading enough in quite awhile. And that my brain has become somewhat mushy. (What day is it again?)

But I did it.

I’d be more than happy just to make out with my husband, though, if he would JUST COME HOME.

I’m tagging Veronica, Sarah, Amanda, Nicole, and Karleigh.