That’s what I get for letting him watch tv before age 3.

If you have a young child, you have no doubt put some thought into the example you set on a daily basis.  You have probably considered that maybe there are certain words in your vocabulary (shitpissdamnhell… and, um. Etc.) that you don’t want to hear repeated in a cute toddler voice.  Probably 60 – 100 times a day. 

I mean, secretly, you would probably laugh and laugh and laugh.  But, *ahem*  you still likely have this rational part of your brain (however small it may be in some of you. and me.) that tells you, “Uh.  Yeah.  That’s not good, dude.”

So maybe you try to “watch your language.”

Yeah.  That’s what we do.  We TRY to “watch our language.”  Some of us are better at this than others.

So, anyway.  Some of you might remember this…
(make sure the sound’s up and listen for it right before the bottle goes in)

And like I said way back when I posted that video before, when Braden was about 12.5 months old, I was really upset about him saying that.  Because I had CLEARLY asked him to called me, “whore,” not “bitch.”  Some kids never listen.

Anyway, it wasn’t really what he was trying to say, anyway.  It was more like he was trying to say “milk” and “bottle” at the same time.  And before you argue with me on that one, I just wanted to say something.  “Shut up.”

About a month and a half ago or so, he was CONSTANTLY saying something or other… Okay.  He was totally saying SOMETHING that sounded a hell of a lot like, “Oh, shit!”  So, of course, I immediately decided that he was trying to copy the way I was always telling The Mexican, “No! Sit!”

And no, the fact that I rather frequently say, “Oh, shit!” when things are not going ‘Oh So Smoothly’ did not even cross my mind.  Why would it, you crazy person?  In fact, if it did, it certainly didn’t apply to the situation in any logical fashion.  And if you even try to suggest any connection, I will just give you The Look.  Or maybe I’ll just put my hand over your mouth and say, “Shhhhhh, there, there now,” with my finger to my lips.  Right before I put the sleeper hold on you.

I’m sure they will find your body someday.

But I digress.

The whole “dog commands” explanation really wasn’t cutting it.  So, I did what any normal mother would do.  I decided to blame Baby Einstein DVDs. (And, hey, I’m not the only one who thinks Baby E-stein is corrupting the kids.)

I can practically see the look on your face.  You’re thinking this is just like all the other excuses, aren’t you?  Well.  You’re wrong.

Oh, yeah?  Well.  You tell me what YOU think this cute, sweet little girl is saying.

When you hear that from another room (if you’re me) you only hear one thing.  That’s all I’m sayin.  And he IS my kid.

And he DOES do things like this.

Yup.  That’s The Bird.  And NOT the one born in French Lick, Indiana.

[And if you think that was an isolated incident, check the pictures in this post. And no, he has no idea he's doing it.]

But we are past all of that now.  In the past month, I have taken great care in making sure that Braden’s innocence is retained.  And I’m really working on teaching him only good, wholesome things.  We read books and I engage him in educational games.  As you can see, it is really working out well for us.

Oh, shit!

My Son: New Yorker at Heart

I think he’s been trying to tell us something his whole life. Observe.

 

How’s that for Baby Sign Language?