“There’s a first time for everything…”

That’s what they say. Today, I had a first time. And it led me pondering along a time-line of them.

There’s a first time to realize that you can find someone else in the world you love more than you thought was possible, even when they piss you off, and you are willing to be there for them forever.

There’s a first time to realize that you’re ready for something completely different, and brave enough to let it grow.

There’s a first time to realize that you are not the most important person in your own life. And it’s okay with you.

There’s a second time to realize that you can find someone else in the world you love more than you thought was possible, even when they piss you off, and you are willing to be there for them forever.

You’d do anything to take their pain.

Their joy is your joy.

There’s a first time to realize that it’s possible to love the hardest thing you’ve ever done (or will do) more than anything else you’ve ever done (or will do).

There are many times in your life when your heart does flip flops and your chest gets tight…. And it’s good.

There are many times in your life when your heart does flip flops and your chest gets tight…. And it’s bad.

And then there are those times when you find out that those two things can occur simultaneously.

Today, my heart did flip-flops and my chest got tight. And it was good because I am excited about doing something I haven’t done in a long time; I’m excited to travel and have some time to myself.

Today, my heart did flip-flops and my chest got tight. And it was bad, because I left my little boy with someone else for the first time in our lives.

I know it is not a bad thing. I know he is safe, happy, and loved where he is right now. But my heart will do some funky flip flops until I see him again.

This first time smiling at him while I waved goodbye, knowing I would not see him for days was hard. This first time driving away from him on purpose for so long and so far was not easy.

These first tears once he was out of sight were quite effortless.

He is my littlest bff and I’m absolutely ready for our first time saying hello again. I may just kiss all the skin off of his face.

I’m sure when his first tantrum after I return rings in my head with its usual intensity, I’ll have my first time wondering what the hell was so bad about traveling without him. But then we’ll find something to laugh about, have some tickles and make some fart noises. And we’ll get right back to our same old, usual routine of mommy and son.

I can’t wait. Because the well-worn, happy non-firsts that we take for granted together every day are the blessings of my life.

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Now, Chicago? Get ready.  Thanks to the awesometastic entities you can view at the footer of my website, me and my bewbs are traveling to this conference together this year. And tight chest or not, It’s On.