*Insert Expletive(s)*

Serious technical difficulties here right now.

My (apparently piece of crap) Dell Inspiron 531 – less than a year old – crapped out on me midday Sunday. I was just starting an e-mail reply when the whole system just promptly shut down.

It didn’t say, “Psssst, I’m feelin’ tired, yo… I can has restings?” or anything before it kicked me in the nuts.

Just WHAM. BAM. THANK YOU, MA’AM, rolled over and went to sleep. I was sitting here, in the wet spot, listening to it snore before I even felt anything.

You get the drift.

I’ve tried everything to revive it.

FIrst I pretended that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I pushed the power button, and as it booted up, I went for a pee break. Nonchalantly, I walked back into the room, input my password, and waited as my desktop picture popped up. Then I clicked the button to open FireFox. WHAM. BAM. F’YOU, MA’AM.

(POWER OFF)

Then I tried saying lots of colorful curse words.

Pushed the power button. Computer started… got as far as the first screen that says, “DELL” and then it clicked off again. (Crap, it’s not even trying to penetrate anymore, DAMNIT.)

Then I tried staring at it in disbelief for several moments, putting my hand over my face, and getting really, really nervous.

Power button. Dell screen. Black Pit of Despair.

Next up, I tried walking out of the room, holding my hand over my mouth so that I would not scream, because Braden was napping in the next room. This was followed quickly by my incredible restraint from a) banging my head against the wall in the hallway repeatedly or b) flinging myself out the second story window onto the sidewalk below.

(Really, is life worth living without access to The Internet? This is my heroin, people. And someone just ripped the needle out of my arm!)

Returning to the room, I tried the technique known as, “Lay Hands On Computer Tower, Quietly Breathing, Then Push The Power Button and BEG GOD TO MAKE IT WORK – PLEASE, OH PLEASE, GOD JUST MAKE IT WORK, PLEEEAAAAASSSSSEEE?????”

God was not hip to fixing my computer.

Next, I actually thought about the “Drop-Kick That Sonofabitch” Method, but thankfully, my better judgment won out. I wasn’t wearing shoes, anyway.

I waited. Tried.

Actually got into Setup by holding F2 at one point.

Unfortunately, the computer was just taunting me. I swear I actually heard it say, “Psych, bitch!” right before it shut down that time.

Now it doesn’t even make it to the DELL screen. It just whispers, “sucks to be you” and winds down immediately.

All of this is to say that my computer is dead to me. Likely, I am going to have to take it somewhere in the coming days and pay out large sums of money that we’re trying to save (for things like student loan payments, medical bill payments, and the downpayment on a freakin’ house) to have it looked at/fixed. (I can only PRAY that it’s even possible for it to be fixed.)

Of course, I’ll have to lug it in somewhere while simultaneously carrying Braden and then try to explain to Unemotional Tech Nerds what happened (as they look at me with the look that says they think I probably don’t even know how to spell my own name). All the while Braden will be running wildly around someone’s business, screaming like a feral monkey, and I will be running after him trying to apply the duct tape with no success.

And I’m not even going to go in depth into the fact that every photo and video I’ve taken since October 2007 is on that hard-drive, and if it’s corrupted, I lose them all. Tons of other documents, too, of course. But the things that capture my kid in time sting me the most.

*stifling cry*

*stifling maddening banshee scream of despair and psychological breakdown*

Right now I’ve got a very old computer hooked up so I can get some things done. Unfortunately, it’s not very trustworthy (I can has lock-ups and crashes, too?) and it could also die at any moment.

I’ll keep posting as I can. Hang in there with me, folks. I’ll try to hang onto the fringe of The Internet that I have my little fingers hooked onto right now. My feet are dangling!

PS:
Dear Tech Nerds: I love you, please do not be mad at me. You are Super Awesome Handsome and Sexy-Hot Tech Nerds and I will love you forever and ever if you fix my computer. All those silly words up there mean nothing. I am just a flighty tart who was tapping out random things on my computer! You are wonderful and amazing, and I will totally touch your no-no spot if you want me to. Just PLEASE OH PLEASE, FIX MY COMPIE?

Sincerely,
Slave To Your Computer Knowledge Having Awesomaciousness

Haik’use me, your thyroid’s F’D up, lady.

The levels of my
Thyroid Antibodies are
Insanely high, yo.

 A quick update on my thyroid labwork.  I finally got a nurse on the phone a couple of days ago.  She told me a few things that aren’t so awesome.

First of all, a bit of history: My levels have, in the past, been skewed such that the THS (which supresses your thyroid) was low… meaning my thyroid was actually running faster than it’s supposed to.  Before anyone gets all jealous (that b*tch had built-in weight loss hormones!) it was not enough to make me lose weight.  (You’ll remember, I was told, ”It’s not bad enough for us to medicate yet.”) It was just enough to make me feel like supremo crap – nervous, tired, moody, and anxiety prone.  That has been the case whenever I had it checked from 2005 up until now. 

Also, thyroid antibodies were detected at such levels that I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  That basically means that my body created an army to take out my thyroid, as if it were a foreign body, and is regularly attacking and mutilating the poor thing. As such, I have Goiter – a swollen, hurting, sad, whiny, crying thyroid that is just screaming out – “Pweease, pweease, stop hoorting me!”  I regularly feel like someone is choking me, and it’s hard to swallow sometimes.  *whine, moan, cry*

So, onto the current events.

I finally got my nurse on the phone, and she says, “Your thyroid hormones are normal.”

At first, you would think this is good news, right?  Ahh, grasshopper, but no.  Because what that means is that the “hyper” phase has now switched and the hormone level is heading in the other direction.  And good folks, what that means is that before long I’ll enter the “true” phase of hypothyroidism. 

But the fun continues.

“Your thyroid antibodies are incredibly high.  So much so that Dr. Crowe wants you to go see an Endocrinologist.”

How high are we talking, people?

There are 2 measured antibodies.

TPO - Normal Range: 0 – 34, My Result: 216
Anti-Thyroglobulin – Normal Range: 0 – 40, My Result: 849

And apparently, when your thyroid is taking a beating from an antibody level that high, it’s enough to cause the symptoms I’m experiencing (depression, fatigue, loss of libido, dry skin, brittle nails, weight gain….), even if the other hormones measure “normal.” 

Well, butter my biscuit.

So, no relief for me yet.  I’m on the waiting list for the best Endocrinologist in town.  At some point, I’ll get an appointment, and more tests will need to be done (and paid for – with what? my bellybutton lint?)… and maybe one day, I’ll get some medicine to help me feel better and be happy.

Maybe one day.

And hopefully we won’t have to sell Braden on the black market to afford all of this.

(In China, of course, where boys fetch more… what? So I’ve done my research….)

Go see my face.