Because I NEVER scream.

Every day when I look at my son, I see how much he is like his Momma… such as how he is so smart, funny, sweet, and cute.  Surely it is not really in the way that he is painfully moody, impatient, and always finds a unique way to be a total, obnoxious pain in the ass.

I am NEVER obnoxious.  (Have you voted for me yet?)

I am certainly NOT a pain in the ass. (Have you voted for me yet???)

So, when Braden developed his latest habit, I decided this must surely be something that he inherited from John.

But, um, you know… John never SCREAMS LIKE A BANSHEE.

That’s right.  Apparently, it is ALL the rage to just shriek your GUTS out randomly throughout the day.  And if you are even slighty displeased with anything ocurring ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, then please, please let out the highest pitched, railing scream you can possibly force your lungs and larynx to emit.  This is, according to Braden (the authority on these things, I’m sure), the Hip and With It thing to do.

In fact, if glass doesn’t break in the next state?

You.Aren’t.Doing.It.Right.

And far be it for me to say that this is ANNOYING THE SNOT OUT OF US, but… well, I have recently been wondering… just how long can you leave duct tape on a one year old child’s mouth and face before it damages the skin?

• The food takes too long to prepare.

 ”Eye-eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

• The book he’s pushing across the floor doesn’t magically transport him to Disney World.

“ScreeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

• Water continues to be H2O.

 ”AAAAHHH-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!”

It’s very difficult to get through even 30 minutes without something happening that causes him to shriek like we are cutting off a toe.  You know, like taking off his clothes, or changing his diaper. 

This is a tiny sample of The Shriek.  It really isn’t his full-on best, or longest sustaining quality… but HEY, he was TIRED, okay?

 

And, really, it just can’t keep going on like this, because, people, I think I might rip my own son’s head off.

So, yesterday (in lieu of grabbing Braden’s face between my hands and screaming, “OH, WHY, SON WHY!?”), I did what any sane person would do.  I sat my Toddler down and said to him,

“Look, Braden.  Mommy is not always, how shall I say this? Good at coping with stressful situations? So, I can certainly understand that sometimes you get frustrated, and you don’t know what to do with all your feelings.  But, really, Son, screaming is not the way to work out your problems.  The next time you feel really upset and tense, and you’re not sure what to do with your frustrations, just do what Mommy does.”

And then I told him what to do.

And now, it’s only a matter of time before he kicks the dog or makes a somewhat sarcastic and snide remark to John.