You ask, I deliver.

Today’s PhotoHunt Theme:
Self (yourself, or part of you)

I have issues. It’s official.  This post proves it.



Lilacspecs “Triple Dawg Dared” me to show my unshaven pits when I joked about it on this post.

Then Madness said she wanted to see them too, and requested my hairy legs to go along with them.  (Incidentally, Sunshine also wants a leg hair picture.)

Allie actually challenged me to “grow a pair” and show my pit.  Whoa.

And Kat almost broke her desk, beating on it and yelling, “ArmPIT! ArmPIT! ArmPIT!”

 Christie, Shannymar, Mommy Cracked, Jennifer, Cate, MP, Scylla, Angela, Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!, Jenny-Bloggess,BusyDad, Dirty Laundry Diva, and Veronica all chimed in to support the idea of armpit posting, in one way or another.

Queen of Shake Shake accused me of making everyone wait because I had to grow it out!  I’ll have you know I took the picture the very next day!  (And no, one could not exactly braid the hair, but it’s past the point of stubble.)

Several people were clearly against posting the armpit hair.

Wright is scared and wants a warning (consider this it, honey).

Lou’s not particularly fond of pit hair, he says, and my even mentioning it brings back bad memories of nipple hair for him.  He  now claims I owe him a Rack shot to make up for that.  As if I haven’t given plenty of those already!

Rachel says she is not looking forward to the pic (but still loves me). *whew*

Bee Repartee “says no to armpit hair” even though she has a French name.  Do you also dislike cheese and wine!?  We should really just start calling you “Becky Smith” or something, you realize.

Karen MEG actually said I was scaring her and called the whole thing a threat! 

Some comments were a bit ambiguous…

Amanda said posting the pic was a tease, and she’d rather sniff my armpit.  That’s why I love her so much. 

Melissaz said she wouldn’t be able to sleep if I post a pic.  I can’t tell if that’s because she’d be too busy vomiting in disgust, or laughing in merriment, to sleep.

Taz just said, “armpit???  Girlfriend, does this mean you’re not familiar with the body part or are you just questioning my sanity with very brief typing?

Sandy(Momisodes) calls it a threat… but says that she supports me.  Hmmm.  I can’t read you, Sandy!

Karen said she thinksshe can do without the armpit hair… but that I have to if I’ve been TDD’ed and says she’ll cover her eyes… but peek!  MIXED MESSAGES, KAREN, SHEESH!

In the end, I have to go with the majority here.  I’m all democratic and junk, see?  And those who desire to see my pits (and legs), no matter how immensely disturbed they clearly are, win out on this round.

And really, since I’ve already show all of creation My Backfat:

My Muffin-Top:

And My Just Woken-Up Face:




What’s a few more gross pictures?

Remember, we all look like this. Admitting it can only make us more comfortable with who we really are.



So, with what will possibly be a little regret once I see how GROSS they look published in all their largeness…

Right Pit:

Left Pit, With BONUS DISGUSTING MOLE!:

Legs:

I hope you’re happy.

And that you didn’t throw up a little (or a lot) in your mouth.

Now, I seriously deserve your vote for Hottest Mommy Blogger. Because what’s hotter than Every.Single.One of the photos in this post?

When I hated both my vagina and my mom, simultaneously.

I remember when I first started getting armpit hair.

I was mortified.

My mom?  Was excited. 

I was sitting on her bed, with my hands behind my head, all chilled out, leaning back.  I can remember her noticing the armpit hair and pointing it out, smiling and gesturing.  The expression on my face had to have been one of complete and total terror.  She, on the other hand, was dangerously close to suggesting we should have a parade for my pit hair.

I could see myself on the lead Pit Hair Parade! float, my arms strapped up and to the sides.  Large spotlights would aim at my pits and flower adorned arrows would be positioned to point right at the tiny hairs there, in case people were not aware that LOTUS.HAS.PIT.HAIR.NOW!!!

I slapped my arms down, and tried to change the subject, while mentally willing with all my might that time would just stop.  Maybe God really did exist and I could pray to him right now to erase this?

Because it was embarassing. 

Of course, at that age, at a moment like that, you think nothing could be worse.

But, of course, you are WRONG.

Because then?  You have your period.  Because that’s what happens to girls.  At some point, your cooter’s gonna bleed, and you’re going to have to tell someone so you can take care of that problem before it really gets out of hand.

And it’s NEVER NOT EMBARASSING.

No.  Nope. Shut up.  Don’t tell me your wonderful story of Not Embarassing First Period Having.  Just stick your hands in your pockets and whistle while you tell yourself that you were about to tell me a big, fat, horrible LIE and think about how you’re sorry.

So, um, anyway.  Who do you tell?  If you’re like me, you tell your mother.  And you don’t enjoy it.  But you get it over with, and then you expect it to go away.

You don’t expect to be washing the dishes after dinner, minding your own business, and have your mother practically float into the room on her Mommy Pride and gush about it to the two MALE, European houseguests sitting at the kitchen table.

They speak very little English, but you quickly see that they have perfected that Creepy Guy Look Of Knowing And Thinking Ew Things, because they are aiming it right at you.  Picture it, right now.  If your skin didn’t crawl, you don’t know what I’m talking about.

I.Couldn’t.Believe.She.Had.Done.That.

She CLEARLY hated me. I was SURE of it.

I just wanted to DIE.

And reflecting back upon these things now, I have to tell you that I still *cringe* when I remember this stuff.  But now I also get it.  I have an idea of how she felt.  I feel it every time I see evidence of Braden growing and changing.  Each little example of him becoming and experiencing and doing and being?  I want to tell everyone!  And, well, it’s clear that I overshare.  I mean, a large majority of you have seen my kid’s hind quarters.  I think it’s safe to say that I’ve already laid the groundwork for putting Braden in situations where he’ll just want to DIE.

But one day, maybe, he’ll get it, too. 

I’m just thankful my mom never had a website.

Braden’s in for it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you lovely and wonderful mothers out there.  Keep being proud – they’ll get over it.