Day 5 Prompt – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Prompt Author: Alice Bradley)
Not too terribly recently (but not so long ago) something pierced my heart, and in fearful defense, I locked her away in a heavy cage.
I held on to anger.
I let fear and doubt grow strong and high, in thorny bush and tangling brambles. I saw the deadly brush thriving, and turned my eye, rather than cutting it down, as I should. It grew thicker and tighter around the cage of my heart until almost no light could break through. The more time passed, the less I even noticed it.
Her wounds too painful to see, even through the dense and thorny vines, I did not visit. With no warmth from another allowed through the thick canopy I had allowed to flourish, she grew colder, ever colder. No longer feasting on love (she deserved), comfort (she desired), the heart inside me grew weak, famished. She beat dimly for a great time; my body kept grinding mechanically through the motions of necessary life.
So hungry was she that, when something found its way through the tangling cover to her living tomb, she questioned it not, but absorbed it fully, wanting to consume, to be warmed. A fine and lovely trickery, this black ink was, but not the warmth she needed. And where had I been? It was my job to protect her, and I allowed her to be exposed to this clever poison.
Only when forcibly lead through the darkness by another was I able to realize how absent I had been, what I had relinquished so easily. He gave me the strength I needed to bring down those brambles and vines, though the process was painful, and many thorns drew blood from us both.
I am excellent at building cages, walls. I am a great grower of the thorny vine. I hold tight to anger. I harbor fear.
I’ve struggled with being truly loved. I’ve allowed circumstances to make me doubt it possible. That is changing in me.
I have slowly, this year, let go of the fear of being loved.
And it is warm in this light.
Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.
a full moon
weeks of untamed grasses
tickle the bottoms of bare feet
wind chimes usually soft and melodious
sing out furiously, keeping time with the
stinging breath of a riling wind
while goosebumps break the skin
unprotected by sleeves of any kind tonight
a chin tilts skyward; hair whips madly
clouds up above that might otherwise linger
on a warmer, more lazy night
rush by overheard now
hurry hurry hurry
the wind is chasing at them
biting their heels, anxiously
lips part in a lack of self awareness
arms hang at sides, uselessly
eyes widen, taking it in, lost in the clouds
they seem to cover the sky
but for spaces of black ink in patches
large and small, leaked from some large well
and puffy thick here, thin and wan there
they flow, flit, fly by
racing past the moon
the orb burns bright and wide and round
and doesn’t flinch as each band of cloud
stretches and gallops before it
the glowing eye, stoic and almost aware
instead creates an explosion of color, a rainbow
bursting from nowhere, everywhere, right there on each cloud
lips purse and eyes narrow
then the mouth bends in a crooked smile
gears spin in my mind as my right brow arches
oh to be like the moon –
to brightly color and then chase away
all the fluff that dares to come between you and me.