Bewb Fest ’10 – Call for Submissions!

At June 24, 2010
By Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom
In BEWBS/The Rack, Making A Difference, Silly Things
27

It’s that time of year, my friends. Oh, yes.

I’m calling the bewbs out to play.

We’re going to use our chests to fight breast cancer, my friends.
(see below for details.)

It’s time for BEWB Fest 10!

Bewb Fest ’10 is waiting in the wings, just around the corner, and that means you need to dress up those tatas in their best ‘ready for my close-up’ threads and send me a photo.

Confused? Visit the Bewbs Page on my website and scroll down to the links about Bewb Fest. There you can ogle all the fantastic photos read up on the history of Bewb Fest.

Last year, a separate MEWBs Category was added and this tradition will continue. What are MEWBS? Man Boobs, Pecs, Male Chest… get the idea? As long as I get at least 3 entries for MEWBs, we’ll have this category again.

All sizes and types of BEWBs/MEWBs are welcome and appreciated here.

That means don’t you dare say yours aren’t good/large/whatever enough.

Yes. They. Are.

So get out your camera and photograph your dirty pillows, ladies. Shine up that lens and snap a good one of your pec area, dudes.

And then send those suckas to me via bewbfest@gmail.com

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Rules for Photo Submission:

1. BEWBs need to be tastefully covered in some way. This ain’t no nipple show, ladies. Sorry.

2. Yes, it is okay to send a breastfeeding photo, if you still fall within all the other rules. Bewbs are hawt AND functional, and there needn’t be a separation in those instances.

3. MEWBs can be covered or uncovered. Yes, we are all about double standards here at BEWB Fest. Deal with it or #suckit.

4. Please send me only ONE photo of your BEWBs/MEWBs. I know you are a gifted photographer, and your chestal area looks awesome from many angles. Choose your favorite and send me that one.

5. Please make sure your photograph is no larger than 550px wide, and no smaller than 300px wide. Please, good quality.

6. No text anywhere on the photo, please!

7. I’m sure your face is what dreams are made of. Let us dream. NO CONTESTANT FACES IN PHOTOS!

8. Your email to bewbfest@gmail.com should include: your photo, your preferred name/screen identity, your blog name and URL (if you have one)

9. No submissions accepted after July 10, 2010. Don’t put it off until the last minute!

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Prizes!

Oh, and are you wondering what the winners of this year’s Bewb/Mewb Fest will be receiving as a prize for their hard work willingness to let us have a gander? You’re probably dying to know. Well…

Lingerie.com, Bare Necessities, and Eden Fantasys are sponsoring Bewb Fest ’10 – click over to the Sponsors/Prizes Page to find out the awesome details!

And because bewbies are not only fun to look at, but also attached to women we’d all like to save (so that we can look at their bewbies some more because everyone deserves a chance to live as long as they possibly can), all Blogher ad revenue for the month of July will be donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®, “the world’s largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists.” It doesn’t have to be October for us to make donations, so if you can spare some dollah-dollahs, it’s a good cause to support in June or July, too. Please consider donating.

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I will take photo submissions through July 10, 2010. Voting will open on July 12, 2010 and run through July 21st. The winners will be announced on July 22nd, 2010.

Now go go go, photograph those bewbies/mewbies!

And remember to tell your friends.

Still have questions? Email me at bewbfest@gmail.com

Cramming nuts and wieners in my mouth. Oh yeah. I said it.

At May 25, 2009
By Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom
In Body/Health, Gluttony, Humor, Weight Loss/Getting In Shape
38

So, I recently made you read about how my mouth stinks and my pits are a sweaty mess of BO pretty regularly lately, but that it’s just a mild distraction from the nest of greasy hair in knots all around my face and the bags of fat hanging off my waist and ass.

Er, or maybe I just said I’ve stopped having good hygiene and I’ve gained weight. Hm. Words words words.

Well, I’m trying to smell less like ass and stop being a jiggly mass of cellulite speckled, moving J-E-L-L-O (Pit Sweat Flavor), and I figured that since I let you in on that, I’d go ahead and offer an update on “How this stupid shit is going so far.”

Did I just call my Unfattening and Destanking “stupid shit?” Why, I did, didn’t I? I must be bitter about the whole thing.

You already know that I wandered into the kitchen at 3am one night and crammed my mouth full of sticky smashed peanuts. Mmmm, peanut porn.

Well, every damn night I’ve been telling myself once I look up and see it’s about 9:30 or so, “Okay, Lotus. NOT GOING TO EAT ANYTHING ELSE TONIGHT.”

And then around 10:30 I look at myself and I’m all, “So, what are we gonna eat!? Pretzels? Beer? Oh, hell yah.”

And, ok. So, I’d call that mild failure so far.

But what’s NOT mild failure? Well, that would be GIANT FAILURE.

Did you think the peanut butter at 3am was bad? (No? WTF is wrong with you? That is ridiculous. You should NOT be eating a spoonful of nut (hehehehehehehehe) at 3am.)

I can top it.

Wiener.

That’s right.

That’s what I woke up cramming into my mouth the other night.

*pause*

And I’m not talking about a fun-time wiener, I’m talking about a cylinder of smashed pork lips and penises.

Oh baby, now THAT’S sexy.

That’s how I want you all to think of me.

Yes. I’m the chick standing in her kitchen at around 3am wearing underwear and a wife beater with peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth and a hot dog dangling from her lips.

And I am probably scratching my ass.

Or farting.

Ok, both.

It takes effort to be THIS SEXY.

Oh, but I’ve lost 5 lbs so far.

And if you even try to patent the peanut butter and wieners diet before I can get to the patent office, I swear I will hurt you with knives.

Mmmmm. Peanut Butter Wieners.

I got yer hawt right here.

This week’s Showin’ Off On Saturday Challenge is brought to you by The Hawtalucion - the movement to become “uninvisible.”

Dawn has challenged us all to put together one outfit from clothes we already own that makes us feel good. We are to “step away from the sweatpants” and Get.Hawt.

Hm. Okay. Go into my closet. Find something to wear… that makes me look good. I may have forgotten how to do this.

I mean. Um. This is what I look like on any given day:

Except I put on a bra for you, to take this picture. You.Do.Not. want to see The Rack unfettered. Trust me. I mean – if you were to do something awesome while I was sans bra, and my hands were full? I could STILL get a nice clapping sound going for you just by jumping up and down. Let that mull for a minute. Wait for it… wait for it… there’s the look of disgust I was expecting. Alright!

Okay… going into the closet… be right back…