Reusable totes are awesome. When you don’t suck, and actually bring them.

The second Monday of the month sometimes (when I pull my head out of my ass) means I’ll post a piece about the things that John and I do to help lift a little burden off of Mother Earth’s shoulders. It’s this thing I started doing after I was completely disgusted on a walk almost 2 years ago (wow, it’s been that long?). I was appalled at how much trash people just throw on the ground, basically.

Back then, I realized I was pretty disgusted with a lot of things I was (or wasn’t) doing, too. No, not the Asian Porn fetish or even the Kitten Juggling. That stuff is fun! I’m talking about the stuff that’s not so good for the environment (like the Aqua Net huffing problem I had).

So we started changing little things in our life for the better, to help the earth, its inhabitants, and ourselves. And I started a project – PSBN – and began posting about those things here, to share with and inspire you. (So consider yourself shared with. And inspired.) It was a whole Happy Happy Love Love Green Living Be Awesome To The Earth I Believe That Children Are The Future Teach Them Well And Let Them Lead The Way kind of thing.

Did you see what I did there? Ahhh, yeah. You liked it, didn’t you?

Anyway.

I’ve gotten really lazy about putting up these posts. I have to be honest with you – I know that some of you have been supportive about them and enjoyed them, but they generally don’t seem to draw must interest and like anyone, that kind of makes it harder for me to work up the energy to make an effort and put them together. That assholishness apathy on my part as well as being lazy as hell just not creating as much time for posts anymore overall means I’ve skipped several of these “second Mondays” without publishing anything for PSBN.

I know. I’m a shitbrain.

This, by the way, happens to be something I abhor about myself – I get really into something, but then I get lazy and I don’t maintain my momentum. I forget, or I find other things to amuse me, and I lag off. (Hahaha, you thought I was going to say jack off. Yes you did. Liar. Ok, I thought I was going to say it.)

This *might* be why Dana called me a lazy douche last year, and why I’ve run with that whole “I’m a Lazy Douche!” gag for this whole time. Because it’s really the truth! (I still haven’t answered all those questions, Dana. You were so right! Isn’t that awesome?)

LAZY DOUCHE, FTW.

And that really actually segues well into today’s PSBN topic, which is Reusable Totes for shopping.

I loved the shit out of the idea of reusable totes. In fact, I took that idea and I bought it a nice steak dinner. I bought it many, many glasses of fine wine. I told it how sexy hot it was and then? I took it home with me, full of unclean intentions. I rubbed that freaking reusable totes idea up against my trembling body until… uh. Um. *clears throat* I think I’m getting carried away. What were we talking about again?

Oh. Yeah. I was in love with the idea of using some bags over and over again.

Don’t Waste – Reuse, beeshes.

So.  I totally freaking bought them and started using them every time I got groceries.

And IT.WAS.AWESOME.

I was totally single-handedly saving the world.

SUPER HEROIN IN THE HOUSE, BEESHES.

Wait. Wait. That makes it sound like I was shooting some kind of incredibly refined drugs into my veins in my domicile. And while that might be true, it wasn’t what I was trying to say.

But basically,

I AM AWESOME. You can say thank you any time. (For saving Earth, and all. You’re welcome.)

So yeah to recap: I was using the bags and it was awesome (like shooting up drugs).

But then I would forget them at home.

And (like shooting drugs) it started happening more and more. (It’s either premature aging, excessive alcohol consumption, or all those times I’ve slammed my head into the wall.)

(On purpose.)

So yeah. I would forget them constantly… and I would berate myself.

Me in the parking lot of the grocery store:

“You stupid, stupid bitch! You forgot the fucking bags AGAIN!”

“Well you could just drive home and get them before you shop.”

(Yes, I talk back to myself. DON’T ACT LIKE YOU DON’T. Also, if you don’t… just, you know, pretend like you do and lets move on so I can protect the fragile shell of my imagined sanity.)

“DRIVE HOME AND GET THEM? ARE YOU A MORON?”

“Uh. Uh. No?”

“Well, see… CLEARLY YOU ARE. If we drive home and get them we’ll be POLLUTING MORE and, also? WASTING GAS. Do you even have two brain cells left to rub up against one other? I swear I hate that I’m you.” *spits in own face*

(That is a talent of amazing proportions. I can sense your jealousy.)

“But, but…” *sobbing*

“You make me SICK. Pathetic. Why don’t you just grab a broom handle and stick it up Mother Earth’s ass and call it a day, okay?”

*continued sobbing*

“I am going to strangle you with the plastic grocery bags when we get home.”

It’s really embarrassing, by the way, to have this kind of argument with yourself in a public place. I mean, usually this kind of thing happens only at home…

“You stupid whore, did you forget to take meat out to thaw for dinner AGAIN!??? Come here so I can SLAP YOU WITH THE HAND OF RIGHTEOUS FURY.”

…and at least there’s no one to gasp or scurry away blatantly. And no parents telling their kids, “Honey, don’t look, just keep walking. Hurry. She might hurt us.”

I guess what I’m saying is that employing the use of those Reusable Grocery Totes is REALLY REALLY AWESOME and can help us SAVE OUR PLANET if we actually remember to bring them with us to the store.

And what I’m asking, no, *begging* you to tell me is, What the hell do you awesome people who use them every time do to REMEMBER TO ACTUALLY BRING THOSE SHITS WITH YOU?

Please help me. Please.

Omg, I was going to end the post there, but then I just totally had an idea for making them into underwear so you’d always have one with you. No, wait. That would be gross, wouldn’t it?

Darn.

Oh, and while you’re sitting there trying to figure out exactly how to make me start taking meds, please link up any posts you’ve written recently that discuss “green” topics. Thanks!