Crazy crap a mother says out loud.

Just a sampling.

I said every one of these damn things out loud in the span of 3 days last week.
Not necessarily in this order.
Enjoy.

• Do NOT put that in your mouth.
• Don’t sit on the table.
• Stop yelling.
• Pee goes in the toilet.
• That’s not nice.
• The dog doesn’t like to be kicked.
• No matter how many times you scream, you’ll still have to take a nap.
• But that’s what you just asked me for.
• You pooped in your pants?
• STOP.SAYING.NO.
• Why did you put that in there?
• No, I won’t kiss your poo poo bum. (????)
• Hahaha. Ok, really, don’t honk Mommy’s boobies. Hahahahahaha.
• Seriously, you really did just ask me for this exact thing, why are screaming no when I give you what you wanted?
• That is NOT edible.
• You can’t fly!!!
• I have no idea what you’re talking about. Repeating doesn’t help.
• If you stand on that again I will take it away from you.
• No, we are not going in the car. We just got out of it.
• No, Daddy doesn’t drive a bus. He RIDES on it.
• You are being too loud.
• You need to go make a pee pee. Yes, you do! Then why are you dancing and holding your crotch?
• Get your fingers out of your mouth.
• Why did you spit on that?
• No, you may not spank my bum.
• You already flushed 3 times.
• Yes, you have to wash your hands.
• Please do not lick your hands.
• It’s ok to use the toilet in public, it won’t hurt you.
• No, that is a tampon. Give it back to Mommy, please.
• Do not fill up your mouth with milk and then let it drool out onto the floor on purpose.
• That is not dry.
• Don’t hit people with your head!
• What is that smell?
• I have no idea what you’re trying to say. I’m as frustrated as you are, REALLY.
• The dog also cannot fly. Really.
• It’s “WaNt the foRk,” dear. The N and the R really need to be pronounced.
• Some people don’t like it when you yell at them about their boobies.
• Say you’re sorry. You need to say, “Sorry for locking you out, Mommy.”
• That is NOT where you use your crayons.
• You are not supposed to ride on that.
• It’s not nice to smear your poop on the mirror.
• The ball will not come out from under the table no matter how loudly you scream at it.
• I will not respond to you if you don’t stop growling and screaming.
• Time out for 2 minutes for *insert an endless list of reasons*
• If you keep screaming, you’ll get another 2 minutes.
• I think you just said NO for the 239,785,349,823rd time. Stop it.
• Do NOT tell ME to stop it.
• Nice.
• Mommy needs a time out now.
• It is going to last MUCH LONGER THAN 2 MINUTES.
• And I am totally going to scream so I’ll get more time.