Doorbell Insanity: He Haz It

Did you know that every single one of us parents is definitely spending too much money (I don’t care how little you spend, it’s too much) on toys? Cause, yeah.

Really. Why the hell do we buy toys again? All we really need is boxes, sunglasses, keys, hair clips, flashlights, spatulas, and the doorbell. (not an all inclusive list, but a working one)

And duct tape for the bad days. Don’t judge me.

Fisher Price? Pfffft.

Dear Hasbro, Disney, Mattell, et. al

In the spirit of calling Lotus’ missing mojo back from it’s prolonged vacation, here’s a rant I’ve been brewing since Christmas day. This may not actually call that spoiled mojoho back all on it’s own–it’s hard to top foot rubs and chocolates, but I’ll do my best to contribute to the siren song.

*Ahem*

Dear Revered Big-Brand Toymakers,

Beloved gods of toys, who bring joy to millions of children, I am but a humble mother of one who extends these unworthy suggestions for your gracious and almighty reflection:

• If you are going to rate something 3+, then please make the fracking little pulls and knobs actually operable by 3 year-old fingers. If my kid can’t open Wall-E’s trash compartment and shove the little plastic pieces of trash in there on his own, then take that mofo off the shelf and back to the drawing board. “Maaaaaaaama! Waaaaaaalllllleeeeeee!” has been the theme song of my day, and I’m beginning to fantasize about telling my kid that his Wall-E died and throwing it in the trash. Any future therapy bills will be sent your way.

• Make your trains so that my 3 year-old can put them back on the tracks all by himself. Believe it or not, I don’t want to stop what I’m doing every 90 seconds all day long, to keep a train going ’round and ’round on a little plastic track. Hard to believe, I know.

• Make knobs for twisting easily twist-able. My kid did not train for Christmas with a Grip Master. He does not have miniature He-man fingers. I do not want to wind up that stupid toy even one more time, as long as I live.

• Make on/off switches larger than the head of a pin. And while you’re at it, don’t hide them underneath fur and up the ass of the toy! Okay? Really. Why is that necessary?

All I ask is that you make some small modifications to these toys so that your intended customer can use the damned things without constant parental assistance. I like playing with my kid, I really do. But I don’t live in your fantasy world, where I hover in the background wearing an excited smile, just waiting to be needed while made-in-China character toys break down.

Thank you for your prompt consideration.

Sincerely,
Kat
A Loyal Customer

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When she’s not busy ripping the toy industry a new one or dying her hair pink, Kat blogs at Just Kat Stuff about a little of everything.  She claims to defy description.  Go over and see if you can sum her up.

Anyone want $50?

WINNER SELECTED!

Winner randomly selected (www.random.org):
Caryn B

Congratulations! You will be contacted by email and put in touch with the owner of Good For The Kids. Enjoy your $50 Gift Certificate!

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Sure, I know lots of bazillionaires read my blog because I clearly appeal to that audience, but for those few of you who could use a little help in the monetary department occasionally, how about a simple way to get your hands on $50 worth of free shiznite for your kids?

I see you nodding.

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This Handy Sack tote to store things when out and about with kiddo is so cute it almost makes me cry.



These Safe Sippy Cups have a great design, cute colors, and are BPA free!



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That’s what I’m here for, people.  

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Disclosure: In exchange for hosting this $50 Gift Card Giveaway, I received a $40 Gift Card for Good For The Kids.