Because I NEVER scream.

Every day when I look at my son, I see how much he is like his Momma… such as how he is so smart, funny, sweet, and cute.  Surely it is not really in the way that he is painfully moody, impatient, and always finds a unique way to be a total, obnoxious pain in the ass.

I am NEVER obnoxious.  (Have you voted for me yet?)

I am certainly NOT a pain in the ass. (Have you voted for me yet???)

So, when Braden developed his latest habit, I decided this must surely be something that he inherited from John.

But, um, you know… John never SCREAMS LIKE A BANSHEE.

That’s right.  Apparently, it is ALL the rage to just shriek your GUTS out randomly throughout the day.  And if you are even slighty displeased with anything ocurring ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, then please, please let out the highest pitched, railing scream you can possibly force your lungs and larynx to emit.  This is, according to Braden (the authority on these things, I’m sure), the Hip and With It thing to do.

In fact, if glass doesn’t break in the next state?

You.Aren’t.Doing.It.Right.

And far be it for me to say that this is ANNOYING THE SNOT OUT OF US, but… well, I have recently been wondering… just how long can you leave duct tape on a one year old child’s mouth and face before it damages the skin?

• The food takes too long to prepare.

 ”Eye-eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

• The book he’s pushing across the floor doesn’t magically transport him to Disney World.

“ScreeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

• Water continues to be H2O.

 ”AAAAHHH-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!”

It’s very difficult to get through even 30 minutes without something happening that causes him to shriek like we are cutting off a toe.  You know, like taking off his clothes, or changing his diaper. 

This is a tiny sample of The Shriek.  It really isn’t his full-on best, or longest sustaining quality… but HEY, he was TIRED, okay?

 

And, really, it just can’t keep going on like this, because, people, I think I might rip my own son’s head off.

So, yesterday (in lieu of grabbing Braden’s face between my hands and screaming, “OH, WHY, SON WHY!?”), I did what any sane person would do.  I sat my Toddler down and said to him,

“Look, Braden.  Mommy is not always, how shall I say this? Good at coping with stressful situations? So, I can certainly understand that sometimes you get frustrated, and you don’t know what to do with all your feelings.  But, really, Son, screaming is not the way to work out your problems.  The next time you feel really upset and tense, and you’re not sure what to do with your frustrations, just do what Mommy does.”

And then I told him what to do.

And now, it’s only a matter of time before he kicks the dog or makes a somewhat sarcastic and snide remark to John.

Dis, Dat, & De’Uddah.

Today I have for you…a few ramblings/odds and ends.  What, you were expecting genius?

First off, I’m setting this post to publish right after midnight… so as I write this it’s Sunday night, and I’m excited and somewhat giggly about fun times to be had on Monday morning.  With any luck there will be some fun pictures to show you later.

Also, some things I wanted to mention:

On my old (Blogger) site, I removed the “nofollow” code from the template in order to give my commenters linky love whenever they commented.  To learn more about the “DoFollow” Movement, click on the “You Comment, I Follow” button on the left sidebar.  Many thanks to Dawn for pointing me to this post so that I could install a plugin to do the same here.  So, it’s official, mah peeps.  If you comment here regularly, you’ll get yourself some Google Juice for your own site.  Now, isn’t that just peachy?  And, if you haven’t noticed yet, I also use the CommentLuv plugin, which gives everyone a link to your most recent post – and according to Feedburner Stats, those babies do be gettin’ some clicks!  See, I really do loves you guys.

Next, since moving over here to my lovely new place at WordPress, I’ve gotten behind on updating the Weekly Winners Blogroll.  I have every intention of keeping that blogroll updated at all times.  As such, I’d love for you guys to whip my ass into shape help get me back on track.  If you have participated in Weekly Winners, could you please click over to the blogroll and make sure your link appears there? 

If it is NOT there:
1) Please forgive me!  I suck giant, hairy, donkey balls! (But I’m trying to quit – do they make a patch for that?)
2) Let me know so that I can remedy the problem.

Also, I’ve been throwing around some ideas for actually creating and manufacturing some funny t-shirts, and possibly calendars and coffee mugs, to sell.  What I’m looking for from all of you is some input on whether it’s worth it or not.  I’m thinking silly pictures of Zack (aka The Mexican, our chihuahua) (and yes, I know this other person who does something similar – so sue me)   or possibly some of my favorite nature shots in a yearly calendar.  You guys have seen my shots (and if you haven’t, you can hop over to my flickr account and peruse).  Would you buy a calendar of this stuff?  Would you buy a shirt advertising my site if it said something funny?  Or just a funny shirt?  Framed prints of my best photographs?  How about a dog turd with my autograph on it?  Ok, ok, I realize I just went a little too far.  But how about if Braden signed it?

Seriously, though, what do you think?

For your efforts, I leave you with this video, which might just make your day.  Trust me.

I like to bring out my balls.

Tell us about your balls, Pete.

 

*

Merry Christmas to you all, my friends. 

May you all enjoy such wonders as Schweatty Balls this season.

EDIT: Sorry, guys, they yanked it. Here’s audio, at least.

Then you put your junk in that box.

The current budget
here at the Carroll houshold
may result in this.

Suppose my version
will have to be something like
Cooch under a bow?

[Edited: Um, about the suggestions on putting my 'box in a box.'  I'm wondering how you put something concave into a box? *scratches head*  If you can do that, I'm scared of your vagina, yo.  I'm stickin' with the bow, ya'll.]

PS: A belated thanks to Bill Gathen for reminding me of this video last night.  Yes, Bill, you are the inspiration, the meaning, in my life. *chuckle*

As Requested

When John and I woke up to Braden’s “request” (request here means loud, shrieking wails of displeasure at being alone) that we come get him this morning, I put on this shirt:

We went into Braden’s room, saying, “Good Morning, Sweetie!” and got the Good Morning Smile.

[Those of you with children know the GMS. It is sometimes a child's saving grace - one of the things you can bring to mind when he's flinging food in your face or screaming, red-faced, while tantrumming on the floor... that helps you to not kill him. The GMS can be like a cocaine high to a tired, weary parent.]

Braden wanted me to pick him up, so I did, holding him against my front. He leaned back, looking at my chest. Pointing at the shirt, he happily exclaimed, “Ogg-ogg! Ogg-ogg!”

You’re darn right, Boy. That’s a doggie. The parental units were quite pleased.

Oh, and here’s the best I could come up with as per the requests, “We want movies of Braden talking!” It’s not always easy to catch him right when he’s saying a “real word.” You must also understand that those of you who do not speak “Garbled Toddlerese” will have a more difficult time discerning the things he’s saying. Don’t worry, we’re still learning, too.

This video was filmed October 16. It was the first time we heard him mimic “Peekaboo!” This book (Peekaboo Zoo, by Lamaze) asks questions about who is behind each flap, and when you lift the flap, you see an animal and it says, “Peekaboo!” (so, of course, that’s what we exclaim when he lifts a flap).

Observe Braden’s first version of this word:

The next video is a really great example of him identifying The Mexican. It really needs no explanation other than he freakin’ loves this dog, so it’s no wonder that he talks about him.

In this video, Braden gives us one of his versions of “airplane.” Here it sounds like, “deh urpah,” which means, “the airplane.” Often, it’s “aba,” or “dat aba.”

You have to have your audio turned up to catch it… he says it quietly right at the end.

And please excuse the HORRIBLE quality of the video. It was the audio I was more concerned about.

This last delightful video shows Braden reacting to hearing a bird.

That’s right, folks, a heretofore uncatalogued word. I present to you, “bird.”

(You must listen carefully… he says it twice – right at the beginning and right at the end.)

If you were listening carefully, you heard “that?” and “is that?” several times, too.

I could just eat him up!

The Stuff He Says

So, recently I mentioned the flutter of talking activity Braden’s been exhibiting.

Just to update:

For some time now he has been saying “dadada” (Daddy) and “Ehhmaahhm” (Mommy). We love to hear those, of course.

Then he started saying, “Ish!” (this!) and “Wah-dat!?” (What’s that?), most often while pointing at things. This began our endless Cataloging of Things That Exist for him. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what he’s pointing at and he gets a little miffed. Mostly it’s fun and cute.

Now he says (you have to pay attention to catch these):

“Aba”

This means airplane. He’s OBSESSED with them. We live not that far from an airport (no, it’s really not as annoying as it sounds) and they fly over the house pretty consistently throughout the day. You can hear them quite often (again, it’s really not annoying) and see them VERY well. He LOVES them. He stares up into the sky, transfixed (Primo picture-taking opportunities!) and points up, saying “Aba!” He can hear them from inside the house, and will do the same thing.

“Owwatide” or “Oww-siiiigh”

Outside. He’s also obsessed with that. If I have to open the door for a package or something, he starts running like mad to get over there… and then when I close it he LOSES HIS MIND. Closing the door without going outside makes his insides twitch and itch. A little part of him dies inside.

“Ogg-ogg”

Doggie. You guessed it. Another obsession. Notice the trend? He has loved Zack, aka The Mexican, since he was able to give a crap that other things existed. He has spent much time staring at, laughing his FACE off at, giving chase to, taunting, and sometimes hitting, but mostly admiring that little Chihuahua.

And… “Eee-boo”

Peekabo. And, though we play it, he did NOT learn this from the game, either. He learned it from his favorite book “Peekabo Zoo,” by Lamaze. He has loved that book ragged. I recommend it to anyone with a small child. It’s dear.

That’s it for now, I think. I’ll let you know the next time he explodes new verbal cuteness.

Birthday Breakfast

So far the day has been wonderful. More to come, later.