New Name for Your Fun-Time Box

Lotus has done it. (Hello, Kevin & Leroy!)

Avitable has done it. (Hello, Hairy McButtcrack!)

Many more of you have done it.

I’ve even done it.

We talk about our bodies.

But I don’t think you’ve ever talked about your body the way I’m gonna embarrass talk about myself.

I’m shamelessly talking about that extra padding.
That extra layer of softness.
Protection from the elements that keeps my down there area safe.

My gunt.

My gut cunt.

*gasp* The c-word!

Don’t be afraid of the c-word. Take it. Keep it. Love it. Make it your own.
It’s yours now – put it in your pocket and use it at least one time today.

Back to my gunt.

How did it get there? Did the magic Pussy Fairy drop it in my lap, push it on down, and have it settle right under my pubes?

No, I ate too much Taco Bell, birthed two girls in 18 months, and sat on my lazy ass for the last umpteen years.

Do that, and you, too, can have your own gunt!

Call it what you will: fat pad, lower belly, upper pussy – you now have a new name for the top of your fun-time box.

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Angie is the rockin’ author of A Whole Lot of Nothing, a blog about everything. Quite the enigma, she classifies herself as a lazy perfectionist, yet she started an awesome online store, a personal blog, and a review blog all while staying home with her two young girls. She’s now adding masochist to her descriptors as well as failed housewife. Angie wrote this herself because writing in the 3rd person is SO self-absorbed, and she’s all about herself and shamelss self-promotion. Now leave a comment for her fragile self-worth – validation is important to women.

Totally triumphant. Or something.

You know what you should do if you’re trying really hard to lose weight?

You should work out regularly.  You should drink lots of water.  You should sleep at least 7 hours a night. (Don’t laugh, damnit, that’s the guideline!) *ahem*  You should eat meals that are balanced, high in lean protein and fiber.  You should eat several small meals a day rather than a few large ones.  Snacks are good.  Try to balance good carbs with protein for better digestion and fat burning!  Make sure you take a multi-vitamin, calcium and vitamin D.  Make sure you get enough Omega-3 and Omega-6 Fatty Acids in your diet.  You may even want to take a supplement.  You should not eat after the evening has worn on into the night.  No late eating!  This is a big one!  Seriously! Don’t eat late!  Go to sleep and get up and have breakfast.

And totally, if you have a hard time with this, just drink water when you want to eat.  Keep reminding yourself mentally why you are doing this! Say it out loud if you have to!  It will make you feel better, look better, and be more healthy!  It will make your body work better, and last longer!  You CAN be successful and if you just kick your will power into high gear you CAN make it all the way through a very long night when you really really really really really really want to eat something late by keeping on telling yourself, “NO, NO, YOU CAN DO THIS! DON’T EAT ANYTHING!”

And when 1am hits and you have been successful at not eating anything all night long you can feel totally triumphant and know that you are doing something great for your mind and body!

So great, in fact, that you should celebrate by eating some ice cream.

BECAUSE YOU’RE A TOTAL TURDBAG.  GAH!!!

PS: It was only a few spoons, at least.

PPS: But it was so damn good, dude.  Mmmm.

PPPS: And I had no right being awake at 1am, either, by the way.

Fatty McFatterton Ate Haiku Friday

Went to bed early
So I wouldn’t eat again
I’m so pathetic.

Dreams of cookies haunt
I want to stuff my facehole
My butt keeps growing.

Tomorrow I wake
Another day of trying
Not to be a pig.

I’ve gained 7 lbs since Halloween, and it’s not cool. I was already STILL NOT BACK TO MY PRE-BABY WEIGHT, and so now I’m even further away again.

How bad is it when your fat rolls have fat rolls?

All the gluttony and sedentary behavior lately has activated the yeast in my muffin-top, and it’s rising fast, spilling over my waist band. I’m totally the Pillsbury Doughboy now. I have to take control before I’m the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

I have 20 lbs to lose now.

Wish me luck!

 

 

Wanna see more of my Haiku Fridays?