#reverb10 Days 22-28

.

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

.

Day 22 – Travel

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

Day 23 – New Name

Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

Day 24 – Everything’s OK

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

when i needed it the most, a mooshy person in indy sent me a fabulous reminder.
thanks, babe. xoxo

Day 25 – Photo

Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you. (Author: Tracey Clark)

Mishelle is one of the best friends I have. She sees me for exactly who I am, and is pretty much the perfect person to have captured me doing Comic Pilates in Central Park, NYC this past August. ( That is totally normal, right?)

Day 26 – Soul Food

What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)

The chocolate tower made my mouth happy; the date night acquaintance made my heart full.

Day 27 – Ordinary Joy

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)

Day 28 -Achieve

What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? (Author: Tara Sophia Mohr)

• Complete, consistent physical fitness without downtime created by lazy slouches/injuries.
• Professional photography gear acquired.
• Portfolio established.
• So many smiles my face breaks.

Party. Wisdom. Things. #reverb10

Day 9 Prompt – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Prompt Author: Shauna Reid)

Definitely Blogher10, from the chance to see friends I love dearly, to the opportunity to speak on a photography panel, to the actual slammin’ parties.  See my posts about it: Photography Panel, Blogher Memories Parts One, Two, Three, & Four.  View the video below for scenes from the last night’s parties.

Day 10 Prompt – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Prompt Author: Susannah Conway)

Clearing the brush and dismantling the cage.

Day 11 Prompt – 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Prompt Author: Sam Davidson)

1. Regret – this means making better choices, but also forgiving myself the bad ones.
2. Disappointment
3. Anger – I’m focusing on positives and my mantra is “relax, guy.”
4. Fear – this sucker pairs up with #5 and stops me when I should be full steam ahead.
5. Insecurity
6. Apathy – the lazy douche in me causes bouts of numbers 6-8. I need a kick in the ass.
7. Sloth
8. Procrastination
9. Anxiety – I’m not sure how to overcome this one, but it feeds #2, and I have to manage it.
10. Impatience – okay, I’m honestly not sure I can conquer this one, so deeply embedded it is.
11. Ungratefulness – for the chances I’m given for free every day just by being alive again when I open my eyes.

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

Community. Beautiful. #reverb10

Two prompts rolled into one post today. It’s like the Reeses Cup of Reverb Posts. How can you resist?

Day 7 Prompt – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Prompt Author: Cali Harris)

Day 8 Prompt – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Prompt Author: Karen Walrond)

Community.

I’ve found it in my neighborhood – for the first time in my life I have neighbors who I’d also call best friends.  They have enhanced my sanity in countless ways over the past many months, and, man, am I grateful for them. (They also ply me with wine, and man, do I love them for that.)

photo courtesy of Kristi Pryor

I’ve found it in my town.  Friends who see your flaws and issues and don’t care, but go the extra mile to help you get around them are pretty damn priceless. (Especially the ones who make thinly veiled crotch jokes with you.)

And I’ve found it where I’ve found it for the last several years: online. On blog, Twitter, and Facebook, and with Skype, I have found, forged, and maintained friendships that will last a lifetime. Many of these are with people I’d never have met, much less had lengthy emotional conversations and in-depth philosophical discussions with, if it hadn’t been for this Information Super Highway.

The Internet saves my life a little bit every day (laugh if you will, I am not joking even a little) by connecting me with people who form a support network that gives me advice, makes me laugh, sometimes makes me cry (jerks) and lifts me up when it seems impossible to be anywhere but down.

Different?

I’ve spent my whole life focusing on the ways I’m different. My parents taught me that it was okay to be different. The world argued.

As an adult I know the truth: we’re all different from someone (which is okay, fabulous even), but nobody is different from everyone. And that is one of the very reasons we can find community here.

Because the things that make us different and the things that make us the same are all beautiful, in their place. They keep us connected while at the same time interesting and valuable to one another. We are able to share different perspectives, experiences, and strengths, while simultaneously finding kindred souls who share our heartsong.

One of the greatest lessons of my life has been this: the most beauty blooms when we don’t focus on either the similarities or the differences, but on being there for one another, supporting, building and growing together. Dare I say it, Loving together. Then we truly thrive.

Community. Beautiful.

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

How to make bokeh shapes.

It’s no secret that I love bokeh play. No, this isn’t some kind of freaky sex fetish.  It’s a Photogranerd thing!

Bokeh – Most photographers know this term, but if you don’t, bokeh basically refers to the shape (and oft admired beauty) of the out-of-focus areas of a photograph. This isn’t in reference to camera shake or motion blur, but rather the OOF areas that occur due to depth of focus determined by settings on your camera.  In a nutshell, you want a very wide aperture (small f-stop number – f/1.4 or f/1.8 are the most dreamy) to achieve the most lovely bokeh. Then adjust focus so that the lights are out of focus.

One of the most fun (to me) types of bokeh, and the most often referred to, are those you can create by manipulating points of light.

With a DSLR, just go into manual mode (or aperture priority) and make sure you have the lowest f-stop # aperture setting your lens will allow, and adjust focus to create the bokeh.  I used a Canon Digital Rebel XT with 50mm 1.8 lens for this lovely shot.

On a point-and-shoot, use your manual settings to do the same, or you can put your camera in portrait mode (profile shaped icon) to approximate this, if you can’t adjust settings manually. This is because portrait mode generally uses a shallow depth of field/low number f-stop to make the subject “pop” with the background out-of-focus. Remember, the lights have to be out of focus to achieve bokeh.

I’ve also cheated like this with my point-and-shoot:

Remember, practicing (a lot) with your camera of choice is the key to good results. Never. Give. Up.

I captured this shot with my Canon Powershot G9, using maximum aperture (lowest number, widest opening), and focused on the ornament up close, throwing the lights in the background into lovely bokeh shapes.

Once you’ve played with light bokeh, an even more fun thing to do is to force them into specific shapes!

If you’d like to do the same, you’ll need:

CAREFULLY trace a circle around your lens on your black paper.  Cut out your circle.

Next, you want to draw and then cut a small shape (about 1/2 inch, or 15-20mm) from the middle of your circle. If your shape is too big, you get poor results. Popular shapes include hearts, stars, and crosses. You can get creative here, and that is part of the fun.

Be very careful with your shape – clean lines, no tears, clearly shaped and cut.  This is easier to do with x-acto knives or shape punchers than with scissors.

Cut a strip of black paper to wrap around the lens, about 1 inch wide, like a cuff. Tape that shut on the lens, and tape your circle carefully to that, so it sits in front of your lens. This must be flush, no light leaks!

Another method is putting your paper circle inside a lens filter ring. This eliminates need for tape. Experiment to see what works best for you!

PLAY WITH THE LOVELY BOKEH. SMILE. REPEAT.

Let go. #reverb10

Day 5 Prompt – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Prompt Author: Alice Bradley)

Not too terribly recently (but not so long ago) something pierced my heart, and in fearful defense, I locked her away in a heavy cage.

I held on to anger.

I let fear and doubt grow strong and high, in thorny bush and tangling brambles.  I saw the deadly brush thriving, and turned my eye, rather than cutting it down, as I should.  It grew thicker and tighter around the cage of my heart until almost no light could break through.  The more time passed, the less I even noticed it.

Her wounds too painful to see, even through the dense and thorny vines, I did not visit.  With no warmth from another allowed through the thick canopy I had allowed to flourish, she grew colder, ever colder.  No longer feasting on love (she deserved), comfort (she desired), the heart inside me grew weak, famished.  She beat dimly for a great time; my body kept grinding mechanically through the motions of necessary life.

So hungry was she that, when something found its way through the tangling cover to her living tomb, she questioned it not, but absorbed it fully, wanting to consume, to be warmed.  A fine and lovely trickery, this black ink was, but not the warmth she needed.  And where had I been?  It was my job to protect her, and I allowed her to be exposed to this clever poison.

Only when forcibly lead through the darkness by another was I able to realize how absent I had been, what I had relinquished so easily.  He gave me the strength I needed to bring down those brambles and vines, though the process was painful, and many thorns drew blood from us both.

I am excellent at building cages, walls.  I am a great grower of the thorny vine.  I hold tight to anger. I harbor fear.

I’ve struggled with being truly loved.  I’ve allowed circumstances to make me doubt it possible.  That is changing in me.

I have slowly, this year, let go of the fear of being loved.

And it is warm in this light.

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

Wonder. #reverb10

During December, I will be reflecting on my year and manifesting what’s next by participating in Reverb 10. Maybe you’d like to join me?

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Prompt Author: Jeffrey Davis)

There are two things which are a large part of my life that help me maintain a sense of wonder on a regular basis: my photography habit and my son.

I am very rarely far from a camera, and am very often photographing the world around me, from the spectacular to the mundane.

What I have developed over many years of doing this is an ability to actually notice things that I used to take for granted.  The longer I do this, the easier it has become for me to see the small things in life, things which contain such huge beauty if only you notice them for what they are.

It is an amazing gift that is bestowed upon the habitually practicing photographer, and one that I will always be grateful to possess.

Every day is full of things you do  not expect… practice awareness.

Part of that lies in having a sense of wonder, and that really needs flexing, too!  Luckily, my second muse helps with that.

If you’re a parent who pays attention to the way your child sees the world, you know what I mean when I credit my son with helping me cultivate and maintain a sense of wonder.  His viewpoint continually renews my ability and desire to explore, discover, believe, enjoy, and love.

“Mommy, that beetle is not moving.”

“Yes, I see that.”

“Why is he not moving?  I think something is wrong.  What is wrong?”

“Well, that beetle is dead, honey.”

*pondering silence*

“Well, then, we should recharge his batteries, so he can have energy again.”

The world is full of possibilities for him, that I have long ago let go of or disbelieved.  It’s nice to turn that back when I see the wonder and potential for all things in his eyes.  It truly is catching, and even if I can’t fully believe all things he still considers (like recharging the batteries of the dead), he opens my spirit and mind to so many possibilities again that I wasn’t just not believing anymore, but that I wasn’t even imagining.

He has given me, in many ways, a ticket to ride back through my own youth. That is the height of wonder.

How have you cultivated/maintained a sense of wonder this past year?

The first three days. #reverb10

This time of year has me in a weird place – I’m both surging with joy and childish wonder at the beauty and spirit of the season… and scraping the barrel of my emotions, coming up with fingers mired in the black tar that lies at the bottom of my heart.

When I eyeballed #reverb10 yesterday, “an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next,” I was intrigued. I was a little iffy about signing a commitment, because, let’s face it. The very nature of depression is that it’s hard to give a flying fuck lots of days. But then I decided it’s not a legal contract, and if I want to flake out like I do on everything else I’ve ever taken on, I totally can! Yay! (?)

But seriously, and more importantly, I see these writing (thinking/exploring/creating/discovering) prompts as a chance to find inspiration and motivation to keep me going through this season, even when the anchor tethered to my heart seems the heaviest, and the chain link line the shortest.

Day One:

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Prompt Author: Gwen Bell)

Belong.

As in, where I do.  This has been a hell of a year for me, for my family. In both joyous and heartbreaking ways, and both literally and figuratively, I’ve come from far away back to where I belong.

I feel at home again… in my body, in my home, in the world, and in the arms of my husband (who, by the way, loves me with a depth and in a way I sometimes can’t believe possible, but for which I am grateful).

I’m not sure how I’ve really been lucky enough to make it here, but I’m so glad to not be wandering in the ether as often anymore.

I’ve refound where I truly belong this year, in so many ways.

My word for next year is…

Challenge.

I’ve been far too complacent about a lot of things for some time. (I know, how much more specific can I get, right?)  I’ve also allowed myself to fail at things (which is sometimes okay, but that’s another story) and I’m not okay with that right now.  I’ve felt left out, unconsidered, not good enough, and neglected in certain arenas.  I hate feeling that way.  I hate that I feel that way about myself, ever. I’m going to challenge myself in the coming year – to overcome those feelings, to focus on positives, and to accomplish successes that will help make those first two things easier.

I need to rise above the stopping point on my comfort level and push myself to new heights, both personally and professionally.  (And share it with all of you, whether you like it or not.)

Day Two:

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Prompt Author: Leo Babauta)

I do quite a lot of things that probably don’t contribute to my writing.  I don’t see that as a problem, though, so the idea of eliminating those things is somewhat puzzling and I find it unnecessary.

Writing is a deep part of me.  I do it often, share it sometimes. I write about… well, everything.  When I think about this, in fact, I’d have to say that, because of that very truth, everything I do and think while I’m not actually writing *does* eventually contribute to my writing. (Which is making this feel like a moot point, but I’m going to continue with the beating of the dead horse, for s&g.)

I write about my experiences, things I think, how I feel, etc.  As such, all things I do affect my writing in some way.  Writing and living the rest of your life = mutually exclusive? Nah.  Is life full of distractions?  Sure.  But I’m going to lean towards saying that time management, rather than elimination of life stuff, is the key to writing and still doing.

I’m never going to regret that I didn’t spend that hour writing, for deadline or for pleasure, rather than building an epic train track with my son or sharing some wine and my heart with my husband.

What I would regret is if I let everything in my life get in the way of ever writing.  So “balance,” once again, is the word of the day.

When I’m not wrapped up in my son, my husband, photography, cooking, gardening, Twitter/Facebook, fart jokes, Dexter, wine, or menial chores/errands/tasks that make me want to stab a pencil in my eye (clearly a favorite)… I’m writing.

Where the most time is devoted ebbs and flows, and I’m totally okay with that.

Day Three:

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Prompt Author: Ali Edwards)

This makes smoke float out of my ears as my brain fries to a crisp.  It takes me eons to choose from the menu at a restaurant, deciding what to wear has the potential to cook up Angst Soup with a side of ARGH Salad, and any Bio or Profile where I’m required to list 3ish favorite books/movies/songs throws me into a mindlock of epic proportions.

I might be a little indecisive.

This task was difficult for me.  Really difficult. REEE-HEEEAAALY.

And I’m going to bend the rules, here, and tell you that this is ONE OF THE moments when I felt most alive this past year.  Seriously, I FEEEEEL way too much, far too often.  There is no way ONE moment can be the MOST of anything in a whole year.

In any case, right up there hovering damn near the top moments when I felt most alive? When John, Braden, and I walked through this house for the first time, in the middle of the night, after having traveled nearly 1000 miles to get here.

Something pleasantly electric ran through me.

During those first moments in this house, my heart was so full it seemed it might push its way up  through my throat and out my mouth, finally floating away. I took a photograph of myself, reflected in the back patio door… I think you can tell how I felt?

It was a dark, quiet night outside, and inside there was an air of neglect and loneliness, like the house had been alone for too long, waiting for someone to love.  Our voices rang out as we passed through together, seeking the room we’d put our air mattress in for the night.

I felt alive because this (this town, this neighborhood, this house) is where I belong, where we belong, and I knew it, felt it.  Maybe the house did, too.  When I woke up the next morning, it didn’t feel alone any more.

And hopefully, it never will again.

Hodgepodge of things to share…

First and foremost, there is a wonderful update by Peter Mayhew about Anissa – she is going home!  That totally made me cry big, fat tears of joy.  Please read the update and pass along the good news in any way you can – on your website, Twitter, Facebook, shouting from rooftops, etc.  We need to spread this – ANISSA IS GOING HOME!

The tweet announcing she’s left the hospital is here. RT that sucker!

Additionally, we need to do everything we can to  help them now, again.  The copays for her outpatient care are $100 a day.  Anything we can donate to The Mayhews right now will be of great help to them.  You can click here to access their Paypal donation page, or click the image below.

*****

Of much less importance, I have another two posts syndicated at Blogher: Falling Happens, But Jumping Takes Courage and The Not Good Enough Mother.  You may or may not have read them here, but if you have a chance, I’d love for you to check them out and leave me a comment over there.

*****

I’m also excited to share that I’ve started a new job as Nashville City Guide Editor at The Savvy Source. They are still looking for Editors for other City Guides (you’d provide regular info on preschool-age child-friendly activities in your town) for the following places: Berkeley, Charleston, Chicago, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Halifax, Honolulu, Houston, Indy, KC, Louisville, Memphis, Miami, Minnesota, Northern New Jersey, OKC, Pitt, St. Louis, Toronto, Vancouver. If you’re interested, Tweet @whithonea or email him

*****

I’m also contributing to Room 704 in its new, monthly format. (Officially, I’m Visual Editor/Cartoonist, but I’m submitting posts, as well.)  Check out the February issue!

Whew.  This really cramps my sitting-on-my-ass-doing-nothing style.

What have you been up to?