Excuses just for the hell of it.

Well, I’ll be damned.  There was no Haiku Friday post here today.  I have to admit that I was planning on writing one on Thursday night, but then I got completely sidetracked by this post and then totally shit-kicked (in a good way) by this one.  Both are thought-provoking, exceptionally good reads, both in body and comments.

So, basically, you can blame Loralee and Catherine for my lack of Haiku Friday post.  (Because I know you were just sobbing and clawing at your face today because your life felt empty when you realized there was no Sarcastic Mom Haiku Friday post.)

Oh, and today (Friday) we actually exercised (OH, HELL. ALERT THE NEWS).  We hit the Brentwood YMCA (love that facility) and Braden had a super fab time in the nursery with other kiddos his age while John and I sweated like fat pigs on the treadmills.

I checked out the pools and the smell was so wonderful.  Yes, I know that sounds weird.  I used to swim a lot, and haven’t done it seriously in a long time.  Guess what I’m planning on taking up again immediately?  Momma’s gonna build her Aqua Lungs again.  Watch out.

And even on a kind of gloomy, off-and-on-again rainy day?  We found joy.  Braden got to paint for the first time ever.  I promise to show you more on that topic soon.  Cute as hell, I tell you.

I did post another article over at Examiner on Thursday night – it’s about Earth Hour.  Do you know about that?  If you don’t, check it out, and make plans in your area.

And if you’re having a hard time thinking of things to do in the dark for an hour, boy have I got some suggestions for you.

Peace out.

Vote Carroll ’54!

Sooo, yeah. Yesterday you guys basically told me exactly what I thought I was going to hear.

And I’ve surmised that I should run swiftly for the hills as fast as my meaty thighs will take me. Don’t think, Lotus, just run, run like you’ve never run before!

And I would do exactly that, if I wasn’t just so very damn tired right now.  Why?

We finally went to the YMCA on Monday.

[I say finally because we've had the membership for over a month. We couldn't use it because Braden had some weird, highly itchy, horrible, welting, spreading rash affecting his legs, and then arms, for that long.

This (see end of post for explanation**) is the healing stage, but it was much worse previously:

We were worried it might be contagious, b/c we couldn't get a definitive diagnosis** on exactly what it was. No way in hell was I going to give that to some other poor little kid. For those concerned, it is gone now.

[And Mommy = Uber Doctor. Don't ever doubt your ability to diagnose and treat your own kids if you feel the "real" Dr. didn't do it properly. Aight?]

So, ANYway. We went with some friends to the Y. For some exercise.

And *gulp* to leave Braden with someone other than Mommy or Daddy for the first time in his life.

Yup. I’m THAT mother.

I have to tell you that the ladies working in the Nursery there are really great, the system they use is wonderful, and I wasn’t worried at all. Neither was Braden. We put him down in the play area and he was gone. I think I actually heard him say, “Smell ya later, losers!”

Then there was much brutal ass kicking experienced wherein the elliptical machine forced me to call it “Daddy” and then it still stabbed my thigh muscles with the knives of fiery agony and despair. I was wheezing like a crack whore who just ran 5 blocks in a broken high heel and ripped fish nets with an angry pimp 2 steps behind her.

At least the elliptical never said, “Bitch, you betta gimme my money!” The Y just auto-drafts our checking account every month, so I never get the cold sting of the pimp hand across my cheekbones.

I hadn’t had enough so I used the weight machine designed to work the obliques (so I can harden up the muscles under my side guts) and then the one for abdominals (I really have a six pack already, you just can’t tell b/c of the ziplock bag of Crisco on top of it).

When a critical amount of torture had been endured, we went back to the nursery to get Braden. I viewed him through the windows on approach, and he was happily playing amongst other children.

He was not standing on top of a pile of dead bodies with blood streaming from his mouth, his head back while he laughed maniacally, raising his hands to the sky.

Huh. Interesting.

He was not throwing toys, screaming, hitting people, or flopping around on the floor.

Really. Really?

Apparently, he was “a perfect angel” and “such a sweetheart!”

I was relieved, impressed, incredibly happy, and jealous.

But it really made me feel good when one of the Nursery attendants told me, “Oh, he just acts up for you because he feels comfortable enough around you to be his real self.”

So, it’s official, Braden is actually a total asshole. But he knows how to fake it in public!

Maybe he’ll go into politics.

____________________

** Braden had a mutated form of Ringworm (which is not a worm, but is a fungal infection that anyone can contract, so named b/c it forms ring shaped rashes) called Tineas Incognito.  Be very careful if you or your child have a rash – if you apply steroid cream to a case of ringworm, instead of getting better it will mutate horribly and spread.  This is what Tineas Incognito is, and trust me, you do NOT want to have it. Braden was horribly miserable.  For the record, OUR PED misdiagnosed his initial case of ringworm as being just an allergic reaction to something and she prescribed the steroid cream.  It was only after extensive research online that I determined that he’d had ringworm which had been mutated to Tineas Incognito.  I went to the grocery store and purchased Lamisil.  That knocked it out wonderfully.  Hope that helps anyone looking for the cause of a similar rash!