Waste away, young lads and lasses. Enjoy your time.

I miss my youth.

Now, before you go brow-beating me about how I’m still young, how I have so much longer to go before I lose my youth, or how much older than me you are and yadda yadda yadda (oh, yeah, I totally just ‘yadda yadda’d’ you), hear me out.

I mean not only youth in body, but youth in spirit, feeling, knowledge.

I miss the bliss of ignorance, the forever stretched out before me. The feeling that anything is possible.

With the passage of time comes experience; with experience comes knowledge, understanding (of sorts).

They say youth is wasted on the young. However, you realize, that is what makes it worth it. If the young knew the value of youth – the desire they would feel to have it back when it was gone… they would never really be able to enjoy it, would they?

With knowledge comes the shift.

The more you learn about the true nature of humans and the things of the world, the more you have to let go of the naive idealism that kept your young cheeks rosy and new.

No, there is no need to let go of hope, determination, and wonder. I am wide-eyed at the world still, believe me.

You could not freely wander the earth with your eyes, heart and mind open and not find a new and amazing thing every day if you tried. This is why I take photographs. Because over and over… again and again, even within my tiny sphere of movement, this happens to me.

So lecture me not on being able to capture the wonder of youth even with age.

But sit beside me for a spell and mourn with me this thing that must happen to us all. Some of us more than others, or maybe just a little bit sooner. But to all of us, it happens, to some degree or another.

The truth is that we must open our hands and let the fancy daydreams of childhood slide from our palms sometimes. Some things which happen steal them from us like wicked trolls, whisk them away to dark places; hiding them from the light. Only a child can pluck them out anew and let them grow for a time again.

My hands are too old to hold onto things which must escape them, already. The effort of trying has worn my fingers tired and weary.

We move through life, rolling along, and suddenly things assault us from this direction or that. The human tendency to ignore these possibilities on a conscious level from day to day allows us to function; it allows us to keep those wheels rolling, greasy and smooth. But no amount of greasing stops a rock from throwing you off your axel. You’ll have to reconsider concepts like need, desire, and love when your cart overturns.

It can take a long time to grease that wheel again. I’m workin’ on it.

I’m workin’ on it.

I speak in riddles because the words are too painful and tiresome to lay out in detail and push around into the proper order. It has been yet another day of remembering so many things that I would sometimes like to forget.

Sometimes.

So many things, some of which I’ve shared before, others which I may never tell you. Time will tell.

For now I close my eyes, take a deep breath in, push a long, tired breath out, and put one hand inside of the other. And hold on.

Tomorrow, I’ll open my eyes, and move those wheels along again.

On a somewhat related note: man, I farckin’ hate PMS.

Photo Hunt, #2: Flexible

So, the theme for today is “Flexible.” I thought and thought and couldn’t remember a photo I have that would represent that well. So, since John was home the other day, I tried to talk him into letting me set up the tripod in the bedroom, and… well, anyway, he was very adamant that I was not going to be doing anything of the sort. He didn’t even care that I had important homework to do!

So, I had to set it up where he couldn’t see.

But, darn! All the pics came out poorly lit, so I had to hunt through my old photos after all.

I don’t currently have a scanner, so I had to resort to taking a picture of a picture. *ashamed*

Theme for November 10th, 2007: Flexible

While not the most flexible pose I’ve ever struck (I used to be able to put both feet behind my head simultaneously, for example), this looks like something I’d have a hard time doing now.

Because I’ve gotten WAY TOO stiff and lazy lately. I seriously need to hit the Yoga again, people.

Anyway, the picture was taken at Fort Macon in Atlantic Beach, NC. Back in May of 1997. Woo, doggies! That’s 10 years younger. Look at that youthful so and so. She has no idea, man.

Hey! Hey, you! Little girl in the window! One day your boobahs are going to remind you of a sock with an orange in it!

That’ll teach her to sit there so happy looking. Hmph.