If you have a young child, you have no doubt put some thought into the example you set on a daily basis. You have probably considered that maybe there are certain words in your vocabulary (shitpissdamnhell… and, um. Etc.) that you don’t want to hear repeated in a cute toddler voice. Probably 60 – 100 times a day.
I mean, secretly, you would probably laugh and laugh and laugh. But, *ahem* you still likely have this rational part of your brain (however small it may be in some of you. and me.) that tells you, “Uh. Yeah. That’s not good, dude.”
So maybe you try to “watch your language.”
Yeah. That’s what we do. We TRY to “watch our language.” Some of us are better at this than others.
So, anyway. Some of you might remember this…
(make sure the sound’s up and listen for it right before the bottle goes in)
And like I said way back when I posted that video before, when Braden was about 12.5 months old, I was really upset about him saying that. Because I had CLEARLY asked him to called me, “whore,” not “bitch.” Some kids never listen.
Anyway, it wasn’t really what he was trying to say, anyway. It was more like he was trying to say “milk” and “bottle” at the same time. And before you argue with me on that one, I just wanted to say something. “Shut up.”
About a month and a half ago or so, he was CONSTANTLY saying something or other… Okay. He was totally saying SOMETHING that sounded a hell of a lot like, “Oh, shit!” So, of course, I immediately decided that he was trying to copy the way I was always telling The Mexican, “No! Sit!”
And no, the fact that I rather frequently say, “Oh, shit!” when things are not going ‘Oh So Smoothly’ did not even cross my mind. Why would it, you crazy person? In fact, if it did, it certainly didn’t apply to the situation in any logical fashion. And if you even try to suggest any connection, I will just give you The Look. Or maybe I’ll just put my hand over your mouth and say, “Shhhhhh, there, there now,” with my finger to my lips. Right before I put the sleeper hold on you.
I’m sure they will find your body someday.
But I digress.
The whole “dog commands” explanation really wasn’t cutting it. So, I did what any normal mother would do. I decided to blame Baby Einstein DVDs. (And, hey, I’m not the only one who thinks Baby E-stein is corrupting the kids.)
I can practically see the look on your face. You’re thinking this is just like all the other excuses, aren’t you? Well. You’re wrong.
Oh, yeah? Well. You tell me what YOU think this cute, sweet little girl is saying.
When you hear that from another room (if you’re me) you only hear one thing. That’s all I’m sayin. And he IS my kid.
And he DOES do things like this.
Yup. That’s The Bird. And NOT the one born in French Lick, Indiana.
[And if you think that was an isolated incident, check the pictures in this post. And no, he has no idea he's doing it.]
But we are past all of that now. In the past month, I have taken great care in making sure that Braden’s innocence is retained. And I’m really working on teaching him only good, wholesome things. We read books and I engage him in educational games. As you can see, it is really working out well for us.
Oh, shit!
#1 by Mariela on March 18, 2008 - 12:15 AM
haha!! thats way too funny!
I expect my kid’s first set of words to be “come th f*ck on!” Courtesy of his video gaming father. Nate already likes the xbox 360 controller so I would not be surpriced if he did start shouting that.
Mariela’s last blog post..Kid Shows
#2 by VDog on March 18, 2008 - 12:16 AM
hee. You made me laugh tonight. Thanks!
VDog’s last blog post..Project Spare Change for Lotus
#3 by Kara - down to earth mommy on March 18, 2008 - 1:20 AM
my oldest said his first cuss words in bible class!!! All because he walked through the room when the grandmas were watching primetime TV reruns.
Kara – down to earth mommy’s last blog post..The epic shoe story
#4 by janet on March 18, 2008 - 1:23 AM
they are little sponges, aren’t they?
janet’s last blog post..It smells … or it stinks. Is there a difference?
#5 by Maggie on March 18, 2008 - 1:34 AM
Too cute and too funny!
Maggie’s last blog post..Maggie’s Make Believe Cooking Show
#6 by shannymar on March 18, 2008 - 2:10 AM
It does sound like “Oh sh*t!”
shannymar’s last blog post..Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
#7 by frogpondsrock on March 18, 2008 - 2:22 AM
hehehehehehe
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..an update..
#8 by zoeyjane on March 18, 2008 - 2:28 AM
mine’s first three word combo was fuck, oh shit. and i cannot blame myself, since i walk around swearing out loud like a french sailor. so i made her dad start watching his language and now she occasionally says effin and on a daily basis, ‘oh geez.’
there’s really no winning. either they bust out the cool kid words, or they sound like a kid who might get beat up on the playground.
zoeyjane’s last blog post..Sleep, Geek, Random, Repeat.
#9 by Mackenzie's Momma on March 18, 2008 - 2:34 AM
*snort* *giggle* yup, i KNEW there was a reason I hadn’t even cracked the plastic on Baby E. (no that is NOT baby ecstasy)
I just gotta hope the sponge around here doesn’t pick up the one I uttered this morning, when I jammed a china hutch into my middle toe at a full run.
#10 by MadameMeow on March 18, 2008 - 2:51 AM
Seriously, you had both my husband and myself laughing! Haha… we have this same problem with my son… and it’s everything! TV, repeating Mommy and Daddy… etc etc… And oh yes, it sounds cute… until he says it in front of the in-laws…. or your church leaders… *facepalm*
MadameMeow’s last blog post..A little crazy? Abso-posi-lutely!
#11 by river on March 18, 2008 - 2:57 AM
Amazing isn’t it? You spend 24 months teaching them to talk and the rest of your life shooshing them because they’ve learned the wrong words……..
#12 by Veronica on March 18, 2008 - 4:57 AM
Laughing here, so glad it isn’t just me. In the car the other day? I was growling about something and I said ‘Fuck me!’. The next thing? I hear a little voice. ‘Fuck meeeee!’. Ooooops.
I am still clinging to the fact that she is saying sit, not shit.
Veronica’s last blog post..Top Momma!!!
#13 by MizFit on March 18, 2008 - 5:13 AM
laughing and LOVING here.
my toddler still calls her fork what sounds like F*CK (the first time I was certain she had, indeed, dropped an f-bomb as mama is known to ALL THE TIME) and screams it in restaurants all the time.
mama now carries a stash of plastic f*cks just in case a hollering child needs to be IMMEDIATELY quieted.
M.
MizFit’s last blog post..Tues Tip
#14 by Justin on March 18, 2008 - 5:46 AM
Even though I’m from Indiana, have been to French Lick, Indiana… I still laugh at the name. Thanks for the laughs!
#15 by clickmom on March 18, 2008 - 6:18 AM
When my first was born there was this huge philosophy of never saying NO to your kid, but instead redirecting his behavior. So this is what I did. And it was pretty simple, worked like a charm, and I never ever once said NO to my kid. Then my kid starts to talk and his answer to every question is a big resounding NO and I’m all like WTF??? and then I realize way too late that I say it to the dog about 12 hundred times a day. Now I think I’ll blog about how my kid thought he was a dog when he was little and used to crawl around with a ball in his mouth. Thanks for the inspiration!
clickmom’s last blog post..NO! (just testing)
#16 by Jientje on March 18, 2008 - 6:57 AM
They all learn words they should not use first!
Jientje’s last blog post..I’m taking a day off …
#17 by Alison on March 18, 2008 - 7:12 AM
So funny! I laughed out loud the first time, and only time, my son used the F word in front of me.
Last month he corrected his father in the car. We were driving somewhere and my husband said “Holy Cow” about the traffic and my three year old from the back seat says, “No Daddy, it’s Holy CRAP!”
Alison’s last blog post..A Letter to My Daughter
#18 by Penelope Anne on March 18, 2008 - 7:48 AM
He still looks cute when he flips us the birdie.
Trust me, we all do it…I can’t tell you the things my kids repeated back to me when my language was not controlled and now as teens they correct me.
Penelope Anne’s last blog post..Weekly Word Challenge #3
#19 by Gordo on March 18, 2008 - 8:08 AM
Oh, that’s awesome. One of my most favourite (favouritest?) pictures of my eldest when he was very young was of him flipping the bird to my 80-year-old great aunt. We almost died laughing.
Gordo’s last blog post..Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?
#20 by Rebecca on March 18, 2008 - 8:26 AM
Ha!
He’s a cute. Period.
Rebecca’s last blog post..I’ve moved!
#21 by Rebecca on March 18, 2008 - 8:27 AM
He’s a cute period? Ack.
(But at least you’ll all get to read that “I’ve moved!” again.)
(I’m an editor. I can’t help it. I edit my own comments, as best I can.)
Rebecca’s last blog post..I’ve moved!
#22 by amy on March 18, 2008 - 8:46 AM
Ha!! That last shot is a really funny ending for this!
U B clever.
amy’s last blog post..Stop! I Want Off!
#23 by Deeg on March 18, 2008 - 9:36 AM
hahaha that reminds me when my daughter was about 2 years old. We heard her getting into the fridge and before I could make it from the living room to the kitchen to stop her from pulling anything out we heard a big *thud* and out of our sweet little angles mouth came “ooooh shit!”. When I got in there I could see why….she had dropped an entire container of milk and it was spilling everywhere….I couldn’t agree with her more-oh shit!
Deeg’s last blog post..Perfect Weather…..
#24 by Kim on March 18, 2008 - 10:17 AM
I actually hold swearing lessons for kids in my house and my three year old teaches the class.. he has perfected using some swear words better than his mama!!
This was an adorable post!!
Kim’s last blog post..Blue Smiles made my weekend
#25 by MP on March 18, 2008 - 10:37 AM
Those little slips of the tongue are killer..but just wait, it only gets better. At 6 Drew said that someone was an asswhole..My husband and I almost died…we’re like what did you say???? He was SO embarrased..he realized what he said and felt horrible. At 8 1/2 he usually uses make up cuss words..very Batman/Robin like “Holy Tomato Sauce and Pickles”..or some stuff like that. He has tons of fun calling me out any time I slip up..Damn is a bad word..and I get called out at LEAST once a day..better than shit I guess.
MP’s last blog post..NINE
#26 by Ree on March 18, 2008 - 10:44 AM
But he’s obviously ready for advanced spelling and accelerated placement into the University of your choice. Not many kids today can write shorthand for F*c* A$$ Hole.
Ree’s last blog post..In Case the Retin-A Doesn’t Work
#27 by Michelle on March 18, 2008 - 10:47 AM
We do watch our language a little bit but since Sabrina refuses to learn new words we don’t worry about it as much as we should. I often joke that she is going to break out the F-bomb as her next word since we just assume she isn’t going to repeat. But her babbling has developed something that sounds suspiciously like “Oh shit” but neither of us use the exclamation so we’ve told ourselves it is just babbling. Yeah, let’s hope!
Michelle’s last blog post..Happy St. Patrick’s Day
#28 by Jeanette on March 18, 2008 - 10:53 AM
That video is too cute and Braden is adorable! When they get older if they don’t get it from you they get it from somewhere else. I remember my then 3 year old son telling me that the “fucking” ice cream man never comes down our street!! I blame the teenage neighbors!
Jeanette’s last blog post..Weekly Winners
#29 by Ashleigh on March 18, 2008 - 11:12 AM
My sister when she was 3 went around repeating my ITALIAN father by chanting mother @%#%#%.
This is funny.
Ashleigh’s last blog post..Vigilantes. Good or bad?
#30 by Lou Lohman on March 18, 2008 - 11:19 AM
When our boys were small, Alex had a big problem with the word ‘truck’. And what was REALLY funny was when the 2 year old smart-ass would try to say ’shit’, because he knew it made his Mommy mad (I thought it was funny), it came out ‘fit’.
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..Bling Monday
#31 by Queen of Shake Shake on March 18, 2008 - 11:25 AM
You mean kids aren’t suppose to cuss?
Oh shit.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..My New Years Resolution Has Backfired
#32 by Sarah on March 18, 2008 - 11:27 AM
Madi screamed “f*ck* when she was 9 months old (yes, sadly, her first official word, XD) because her gloworm stopped singing when she tossed it out of the playpen. That, and she actually flipped us off in the sonogram, LOL. The technician got a kick out of it, especially after Josh goes “just like momma”, ROFL.
Oh, and Ethan’s “fish” sounds like “sh*t”. He has the sounds backwards
Don’t worry, I think all toddlers are like that, even if Mommy and Daddy don’t cuss, LOL.
Sarah’s last blog post..Kids and TV Habits
#33 by Ashley on March 18, 2008 - 11:31 AM
Hahahah! Awesome post (as always)…way too cute.
Ashley’s last blog post..Wake me up when it’s spring…
#34 by Karleigh on March 18, 2008 - 11:33 AM
Hahaha, she said “Oh, shit!”
#35 by Colleen on March 18, 2008 - 11:37 AM
Thanks for the laugh – AGAIN!
Just wait till he’s a little older and he can say things to you, well, just read what my loving little angel said to me in the middle of the GROCERY STORE no less.
http://mommyalwayswins.blogspot.com/2008/03/darnedest-things-my-butt.html
Damned little einsteins!
Colleen’s last blog post..I’m 30 – must be time for a little “finding myself”
#36 by justmylife on March 18, 2008 - 12:56 PM
All I could think of while reading this post was the time my oldest told my mother to go f*ck herself.
At the time it was hubby’s favorite saying and I told him it would come back and bite us in the a**, it did. Our darling 18 month old asked for a PB and J in town, she said not now, when we get home, he told her to go f**k herself. She Sh*t herself right in the parking lot and I heard all about it when she brought him home. *Note I censored myself, I wish I could do that to my kids.* Thanks for the memories, I had almost gotten over the nightmares! heh!!
justmylife’s last blog post..I hate doctors! But I love me a truck driver!
#37 by ImpostorMom on March 18, 2008 - 1:27 PM
that is hysterical. I love the bird montage. classic
ImpostorMom’s last blog post..What’s in a name?
#38 by Xbox4NappyRash on March 18, 2008 - 1:36 PM
**snort**
very funny.
and the photo is amazingly cute even when you see he’s flipping the bird!
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Spencer
#39 by Tiff@Three Peas in a Pod on March 18, 2008 - 1:37 PM
My one year old has taken to diciplining the do and telling him to sit while he angrily points his little finger at him. But he decided to do this in church during his dedication and it sure sounded like shit! I was mortified!
Tiff@Three Peas in a Pod’s last blog post..Easter Pork Tenderloin
#40 by Kate on March 18, 2008 - 2:22 PM
I will never forget the day that i was sitting in the living room and my two year old ( who is very verbal ) ran through the room to the kitchen, grabbed a dish towel and on her way back through, as some sort of explanation, I suppose, looked at me and said, ” Shit! I spilled!” Clear.as.day. So I got up off my high horse and went to the bedroom ( where the spill occurred ) to lecture my husband about saying things in front her that she might repeat. I thought she had spilled and he had said “shit” and she was just repeating a word she didn’t quite understand. He was sound asleep and didn’t even know about the spill. Fan.freakin.tastic. Not only did she swear without remorse, but she thought of it all on her own and used it properly. Niiiiiiiice.
#41 by Sleeping Mommy on March 18, 2008 - 2:46 PM
Fucking A! Ohhhhhhhhhh.
What?
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..Like a Lion
#42 by Special K on March 18, 2008 - 3:24 PM
The last pic? I might be taking this a little personal, but if he totally switched the Y on the left and the O on the right?
He would be telling me F.U. and MY NAME (kay).
After the finger flipping all his little life, I wouldn’t be surprised. He is destined for great things, or maybe, Larry Flynt’s replacement one day! Hee!!
Special K’s last blog post..Living in Oz
#43 by Taz on March 18, 2008 - 4:59 PM
this is so true.. lol
i remember my friends little boy saying.. the F word..
i wonder what Maddison’s first one will be.. hehe
Taz’s last blog post..21 weeks old
#44 by Summer on March 18, 2008 - 5:16 PM
Oh how funny! I mean wrong, so very, very wrong. Ignore the laughing.
Summer’s last blog post..Sir Talks-A-Lot And His Mommy
#45 by Marye~ on March 18, 2008 - 7:35 PM
Wait till he says that in church in front of all the blue haired old ladies. That’s when you say, “Yes baby Momma said sit” And then you have to try and not pee on yourself while your holding in the laughter.
Marye~’s last blog post..Two reasons to celebrate
#46 by skiplovey on March 18, 2008 - 7:47 PM
aw man does this mean I have to start watching my language now? I figured I’d wait till the kid actually starts cussing to clean up my act. I figure I’ve got another six months of sailor talk until then.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Update
#47 by Dawn on March 18, 2008 - 8:01 PM
yeah well, my first words were either “sonuvabitch” or “goddamn people” Depends on which of my parents you ask.
I *twitch* turned out *twitch* just *twitch* fine.
Dawn’s last blog post..Conversation between siblings
#48 by Jennifer on March 18, 2008 - 8:02 PM
Man, you might want to invest in some parenting classes…you are raising a hellion!
Just kidding.
I yelled at my kid today and told him he was pissing me off, so I should probably get enrolled in those parenting classes myself.
Jennifer’s last blog post..When I Need Expert Advice, I Consult Mah Peeps on Teh Internetz
#49 by Tasina on March 18, 2008 - 8:31 PM
I always kind of thought that Braden would be a great friend for Noah (although Noah is a little older). But now….I want to hang out with him. The kid’s awesome dude.
Tasina’s last blog post..So sad
#50 by Gabriel on March 18, 2008 - 8:32 PM
That was hilarious, Lotus!
Gabriel’s last blog post..WW#14 – I believe I said ‘No video games’
#51 by Jenni on March 18, 2008 - 9:00 PM
Oh man! Reminds me of a time when we were practicing rhyming in a very public place.
My son decided to rhyme words with Tigger.
I hate the N word more than any other word in the known universe, but I could not help laughing when he said it. It was just so completely innocent.
Of course, I’m sure every other person in earshot thought I was laughing with pride.
Jenni’s last blog post..Welcome Home
#52 by Jennifer on March 18, 2008 - 9:19 PM
Jimmy used to flip me off when he was in the infant carrier and trying to grab the straps. Oh well, save up for therapy instead of college.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Happy Birthday to me, now pass the fiber
#53 by Tracy D on March 18, 2008 - 9:52 PM
hahahahaha I am just waiting for this as my fave phrase of late has been “mf”…. hmmmm…. how do I blame that one on something else?? Thanks for the laugh!
Tracy D’s last blog post..My Child is a Zoo in one
#54 by Becky on March 18, 2008 - 10:45 PM
*snort* We say a lot of “crap” and “damn” in this house. And “oh shoot!” and “rats!” Max has only picked up “uh oh” so far. LOL
Ocean….she says OCEAN! LMAO! Wait…is she saying ocean???
Becky’s last blog post..Stouffer’s Dinner Club
#55 by amanda on March 18, 2008 - 10:56 PM
I love the magnet art…:)
amanda’s last blog post..Mommy-Watch:Please Don’t Ash In His Soft Spot
#56 by HRH on March 19, 2008 - 8:13 AM
I think the last picture should be framed for his room…so funny.
HRH’s last blog post..Time cries…
#57 by cj on March 21, 2008 - 9:27 AM
Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
#58 by Jenski on March 21, 2008 - 7:57 PM
Hahaha! Some driver cut my sister off once and she said “Dumb ass.” From the back seat, my nephew asked, “Who’s a Thomas?” Ummm…
Jenski’s last blog post..Spring is so close…