The Nightly Poop
Last night was lovely again. Much playing with boats, turtles and bubbles was had. There was splashie and kicking in the suds. My baby loves bathie.
Then bedtime. I’ve been blowdrying his hair lately, and he seems to like it. Last night he giggled as the warm air rushed over him.
We sat in the glider, and I read him the book, “Mommy Hugs,” and then he read it to me. For the record, his version was much more exciting. Squeals just liven up a tale, I find.
Then it was lights out, and rocking to sleep in the glider time.
But ohhhh, Braden decided that it was one of those special nights when he will snuggle in deeply to my chest, but NOT go right to sleep.
Instead, it was time for another episode of “Mommy’s Face: A Journey of Pain.” This is basically where Braden decideds to reach up and start performing exploratory surgery on my face with his sweet little chubby hands, surprisingly strong fingers, and razor-like nails.
The Surgeon’s Obvious Plans:
First part of the procedure for this episode: Hook finger upon Mommy’s Nose Stud and YANK LIKE HELL. This will widen the hole, allowing Mommy to explore larger gauge nose studs. She will enjoy the prospect.
Second Foray: Reach up quickly with index finger extended, jamming it straight up into Mommy’s nose. The sweet spot has been reached if Mommy’s eyes well up with tears, and a gasp of pain is uttered.
Next stop, Mommy’s Lip. Grab lip with Death Grip From Hades and yank. Repeat until hand is firmly, but lovingly, removed. Repeat again.
Do not close the surgery without tracing new and exciting trails into Mommy’s gums with the sharpest fingernail imaginable.
And somehow, I call these the best years of my life.
Oh, and lest you think I have forgotten to liven up your lives with poop, here’s the latest Poop Report.
Poo will creep in early in the evening. Well-formed chunks of a deep brown color will be seen moving through the area. Some will float, others will sink.
Proceed with extreme caution. An area that seems safe to cross, as it is only inhabited by a toddler this cute:
Can quickly become A Poop Flood Zone:
Stay tuned for further Poop Updates.
38 comments
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Secret Agent Mama
Oh God, I hope Davey doesn’t poop in the tub. I fear I might blog about it and seem like a copy-cat.
As for the exploratory surgery, Davey’s been doing something different. I think he’s testing the fat density of my thighs, what with the way he digs his itty-witty toes into them.
Misty
Oh super nasty! this was always a secret fear of mine. I have one of those super sensitive gag reflexes, and frankly, no matter how much one loves their child: poop is poop…
Donna
They say it’s different when it is your own child…..
janet
you gotta love his exploratory surgical technique.
and poop in the tub? oh ew.
SJSFalter+
OMG that is freaking hilarious. Very thankful oldest child only poo’d once or twice in tub and youngest I have high hopes this will never happen. A mommy can always dream.
ann michele
ok seriously i cannot wait to read the rest of your blog after your first post! my oldest (who is now 7) used to totally pooh in the bathtub EVERY SINGLE TIME.
hysterical. why do they do that????
Karen MEG
I guess he was relaxed? My boy never pooped in the tub; little G, well she did it twice, and once when she was in the tub with her brother! That was fun!
He’s is a darn cutie though. Did he blame it on the fish?
Beck
AAAAAAAAAAAH!
We’ve managed to only have one tub pooping episode per kid, which isn’t too bad.
I bite my babies’ nails. It’s safer than cutting them and I always have my mouth with me, unlike those little nail clippers which are generally lost.
Bill
Ahh the Nip and Tuck me into bed routine. I wouldn’t stress to much about the poop in the tub, he’ll probably outgrow it by the time he’s a teenager. Please stop showing me pictures of Braden’s crapulance. I’ll pay you…
dawn
Ohh you left out the neck pinch of razor claw death!
sweetisu
With 2 kids… it has happened to us. TWICE in the whole of the last 4.5 years. So… there’s hope it won’t happen TOO OFTEN
Misty, I was like you. But now poop doesn’t really faze me. Unless it’s the super stinky type.
btw, TAGGED YA.
Ann
always hated the poop in the tub, thankfully that’s way behind me.
another great post!
J at www.jellyjules.com
Blech. Maya went through a phase of tub pooping. We weren’t sure if we had the filthiest tub in town (used as a toilet, after all) or the cleanest (scrubbed nightly with all kinds of clorox products). Gosh, I’m glad those days are far behind us.
Good thing kids are so darned cute, huh? Who else would we allow to poop in our tub NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?
Elissa
Your poor face! Ouch!!
My son pooed in the tub every single time water touched his skin for several months. I considered not bathing him…but I don’t think anyone around us would have appreciated that!
Gary
I consider poop a mom’s domain but welcome to photohunt from all us grown up poopers.
BipolarLawyerCook
Oh my. Ick.
Anglophile Football Fanatic
Ah. I posted my poop tub story for WW. Glad I’m not the only one, but sorry Lotus. It sucked shit. I know lousy pun, but still EWW.
Jo Jo
Your boy is a MAD pooper! LOL! It makes me giggle! My boy never pooped in the bathtub…Thank God!
Marylin
lol what is it about poop eh? i feel lucky i’ve never been the one bathing Zack when he’s pooped in the tub!
baby~amore'
LOL – eeewww… one of my fears too but very funny when it happens.
Sandy
Thanks for the laugh, oh my God!
Tiff
My son did that a few times. My poor hubby gagged. SO guess who had to clean it up!
Toni
I posted about getting abused by my son on Sunday. He jams his fingers in my mouth and tries to rip out my teeth, taking my lip with them. Owie!
Braden + Bath = Too Cute!!
Badness Jones
oh god! I was laughing at the exploratory surgery as I’ve been subjected to a lot of that myself lately, but I was completely unprepared for the photos of poop…
Karleigh
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
tiff
Ewwwwwww! Photographic evidence of poo in the bath!!! LOLOL, That’ll be a great one for his 21st!
Love the surgeon’s work!
imaginary sarah
You’ve put the fear in me. I will avoid ever washing Amos again. haha.
Sandy (Momisodes)
Wow…and I thought the Discovery Channel covered it all…. I’m sure you have enough data to fulfill one of their poop documentary’s
I hope you’re recovering well from surgery. Have you had to take any pain meds?
Veronica
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, I coudn’t help myself. We haven’t had a poo in the bath. Yet.
The exploratory surgery? Amy seems to think that opening my mouth to get to the food inside is good fun. My eyelids need enlarging by pulling and Mummy’s ears need pulling and poking at all times.
Not to mention what she does to my nipples.
justmylife
I remember those times! Surprisingly, rather fondly!! No serious these are the best days of your life!! Once they get older, they get snotty and drive you insane. Though they do stop pooing in the tub or at least I don’t have to clean it up if they do.
Andy
Oh no, code brown! We’ve only had one of those so far and boy am I feelig lucky. Yuck!
A Jill of All Trades
I long for the days when Aidan doodies in the tub. So far, in his 9 1/2 months of existance, he has yet to do so. Amazing, huh?
I can relate to you on the Exploratory Surgery on my face episodes. The other day his finger went into my eye socket and when it came out a little spittle of eye fluid came flying out, too. I was sure my eyeball was damaged, but apparently it’s a lot harder to damage your eyeball.
BlondeMomBlog (Jamie)
Miss C was never a tub pooper. But Miss A…ugh! And because they bring like 8 million freaking toys into the tub I had to bleach ‘em all and throw them in the dishwasher. Gross. I should probably throw them all away but then all holy hell would ensue.
I LOVE LOVE that photo of Braden in the bubbles. That is awesome.
b*babbler
Great photo in the bubbles… But that next photo? Warning warning warning!!!
Typical Mo
hahaha….My David used to poop every time he was in the bath when he was about 15 months and up. Something about the warm water I guess! The trouble being that he and his older brother Sean always took their baths together. I usually put them in the tub with bubbles and cleaned the bathroom and hung up and put away things in my bedroom which was right next door, so I was right there, but not necessarily standing over the tub. I always knew when David did his ‘dirty little deed’ by the blood curdling scream Sean let out. I would go in to find Sean up on the edge of the tub in the corner screeching while David sat oblivious playing in the bubbles. Sean always was a fastidious little guy and that floating and sinking brown stuff was just too much for him. I never did quite get how he managed to grip the walls and balance on that back corner of the tub or why he didn’t just climb out and get his towel.
lisa's chaos
As soon as blog-city quits messing with the site and I can access my blog again I’m adding you to the list of “Poopsie” award recipients.
lisa's chaos
Here’s ya go.
http://lisaschaos.blog-city.com/heres_the_poop.htm
» I guess what I’m saying is, can’t we all just get along, bitches?
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