I am struggling
not to feel empty inside.
It is not easy.
I am struggling
not to be angry right now.
It is not easy.
I am struggling
not to cry so I can breath.
It is not easy.
I am struggling
not to feel like I’m broken.
It is not easy.
I am struggling
to clear grey clouds from my heart.
It is not easy.
But I know that it
is not healthy to keep this
inside, so I won’t.
I am letting go.
I am allowing myself
time to just grieve now.
And I find that I
have these two guys to help me
clear grey clouds away.
Beautiful and bittersweet Haiku – Lotus , (hugs) I only just saw you lost your precious baby.
I can only imagine how you are feeling , I know the emptiness and the grieving … yes you do need to let it out and let those who love you weather the storm and chase the clouds away.
Trish’s last blog post..Hot Hunk Thursday …
My hope is that you can accept, but not forget. My thoughts are with you.
Suzanne’s last blog post..If you came here because you googled about the bannings
Empty and Broken… yes. That’s how I felt too.
Hang in there…
Karen’s last blog post..Card Ideas For You Talented Folks
Beautiful, just beautiful! It’s never easy losing a child but as you said, you have 2 precious family members to lean on to get you thru. Lean on each other; it’ll make it easier to get thru. Thinking of you lots! (((hugs)))
Connie’s last blog post..THREE @ 4:09 PM
Beautifully written, so well written, my heart ached with you.
Lean on your husband and son, hug them tightly, let them tightly hug you back.
Beautiful ‘ku, Lotus. I won’t say I know what you are feeling because it just aggravated me when people said the same to me in a similar situation (and even mine was different), but I am glad that you have a couple of very bright spots around you while you sort out the grief. ((hugs))
Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen 5/1/08 – 15th Edition
I have started to write something here, then deleted it at least six times now..
Know that I am thinking of you and sending love to you..
xxx kim xxx
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Mystery Object?????
Oh sweetie. Here if you need me.
Veronica’s last blog post..Children For Sale
That picture would make anyone smile
GoaldeeBug’s last blog post..My Husband has a Lover…
Secret Agent Mama
I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.
Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Project 365 (250 & 251/365)
In my opinion, it’s OK to feel sad and angry. I wish there was more I could do for you to ease your pain.
Sue’s last blog post..Friday Boob Redux (Goodies Galore!)
so grateful to be mormon
awh, my heart goes out to you.
you choked me up at the end of your post (how you said that ending and showed your guys). beautiful.
let yourself feel, don’t hold back, just do and feel what you need to. you don’t have to be strong.
bless you, kathleen
so grateful to be mormon’s last blog post..meme — interview me baby! wendster and speedy rock!
My thoughts are with you. I know this is a difficult time. Enjoy John & Braden!
Stephanie’s last blog post..PROM!
Take all the time you need, I’m sure your two guys are a big help in feeling better. My prayers are with you.
wright’s last blog post..Haiku Friday – Getting Personal with Aunt Flo
Oh, Lotus… what a great, heartbreaking poem…
Rebecca’s last blog post..Friday Flashback: April 29, 2006 (yes, again)
Continuing to say prayers for your family….sending hugs….
HappyCampers’s last blog post..It’s The Mr. Creepy Show!
Oh I am so sorry. You should be able to feel anything and everything, give yourself the time you need.
HeadGaggler’s last blog post..Contest Contest
thinking of ya..
Taz’s last blog post..27 Weeks Old
so very sorry. those look like a good couple of fellows to have to lean on you!
transplanting me’s last blog post..maid to love
What a cute bunch you make!
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I hope that being able express yourself and having your family so close helps to heal the pain. I’m so sorry about the loss of your baby.
Anne’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Gardeners of doom
Oh Lotus, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You will make it through w/ your husband and son there to hold/hold you.
DeuceMom’s last blog post..H is for Heirloom
Proud theatre mom
I feel for you.
Proud theatre mom’s last blog post..Non wordless wednesday
I’m like Kimmy (frogpondsrock) . I have started this comment half a dozen times. I want to lighten your mood. I want to be serious. I go back to wanting to lighten your mood. But I can’t do either one justice. If I’m serious I may help to further the pain. If I’m light, I may offend you. And more than anything, I would never want to cause you pain or offend your sensibilities. I’m just here. And I understand your pain. Wishing I could find a way to speed the time when it doesn’t hurt so much. And I guess that’s what it’s going to take. Time. And the love, care and understanding of all of the people around you.
A Member of the Cyber Family
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..100 Word challenge – fringe, and more
Kara’s last blog post..Motherhood
Beautiful and wise haiku.
Kathryn’s last blog post..Getting Through
I have been reading your website for a while and have really enjoyed your honesty and “real” look into family life and just being yourself. It takes a lot of guts to share yourself so personally… and I am just so sorry to read about your loss. I truly understand where you are coming from and can just tell you that time heals this kind of pain. I am glad you have your men to help you through this… you sound like a tough chick (my term for amazing woman)… and I thank you for sharing with all of us.
the planet of janet
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the cast is die(d) edition
A Whole Lot of Nothing
You are loved by many.
I hope you can feel all of the love we are putting out to you. That or someone’s groping you. 😉
A Whole Lot of Nothing’s last blog post..Whatchawant? Answers Continued
Sending you so much love, I know it doesn’t help much, but know that you are loved and your pain is shared.
rachel’s last blog post..God Saw
I wish we didn’t have to go through these awful parts in life; that everything was beautiful, perfect and easy.
But it isn’t.
And so we cherish what we have even more.
Maureen’s last blog post..How To Embarrass Yourself In 9 Easy Steps
Alisha’s last blog post..Haiku Friday-Pictures For Parker
Oh, Lotus. My heart is broken for you.
Beck’s last blog post..The First of May
I think those two guys are great medicine 😉
autumn dahlia’s last blog post..What Motherhood means to me…
In the Trenches of Mommyhood
You are blessed, indeed, with those 2 guys.
In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s last blog post..I Wanna Be a Cowboy…
That was SO beautiful and honest… I hope you and your boys have a wonderful weekend filled with laughter!! And Naked little butts!!
MP’s last blog post..Can’t do a thing but play
Hydes Like Us
That’s right Lotus. Let the sun shine in on your heart. You’re wise. And worthy of healing.
Hydes Like Us’s last blog post..Lady Madonna Part I
Just a mom
Lotus may each new day get easier for you! You expressed your feelings so well. It was beautifully written!
I couldn’t help but notice your Hubby’s Reef sandals with the convienent bottle opener on the bottom. My Hubby had the same ones but recently upgraded to the ones that have the flask built in. Men LOL
Amy’s last blog post..Duck…Duck….
Poor Lotus. I do feel for you. XXX (Those are supposed to be hugs, not like triple x porn or something). Look at those two boys. They both love you so much. *sniff*
Have a good weekend.
RubiaLala’s last blog post..Post 200
Grieving is healthy – take all the time you need. It’s nice that you have such a great support system and so much love to help you through this.
SherE1’s last blog post..Five, Six, Seven, Eight!
We lost our second baby, a boy, in my second trimester. What was once a joy shared with my friends who were also pregnant and due the same time, all four of us, turned into a nightmare. They all now have four year old children to remind me. Crying is good for the soul. And time will help ease the pain. It’s a cliche’ but it’s true. I now have a beautiful 22 month old daughter and it’s no longer a nightmare. Praying for you.
It’s been hard to read about your struggles. It takes me back to those times that I went through this, and it makes me just ache for you.
What helped me was to be surrounded by people and going out. I know. It sounds awful to go out, but it does help. Talking to Amanda and you did wonders for the chicken soup soul as well.
Be gentle with yourself. John, I keep you in my thoughts as well.
imaginary binky’s last blog post..Shave and a haircut, two bits
My heart goes out to you. I have had three and I know how hard it is.
justmylife’s last blog post..Photographic Evidence Part 2….
What a moving and emotional haiku. Thanks for sharing it.
Vixen’s last blog post..Available for Nose Transplant
Are those the flip flops with bottle openers on the bottom?!
Words can’t express how sorry I am for you and John right now.. but expressing it will help. Sending hugs to you both.
Kim’s last blog post..What Moms think about good Dads
Hoping you’ll be feeling better again soon…
Colleen’s last blog post..Flashback Friday – May 17, 2003
As someone who’s gone through this 3 times in the past 9 months – I can completely empathize and sympathize with you.
Beautiful post – my thoughts are with you.
Jill’s last blog post..Spring Art Boutique
(((HUGS))) it’ll take time to heal.
Believe me, I’ve been through it 3 times. It’s not easy
Jenty’s last blog post..Special moments with papa
I just want to add that you NEED to mourn! You lost a baby. Cry, cry and cry some more if that makes you feel better.
Jenty’s last blog post..3 hours is all I have
A beautiful and moving tribute.
You are allowed to mourn, to cry, to scream, to be angry.
And then hug that baby of yours…and cry some more. It’s allowed, it’s expected, it’s understood.
Sadie’s last blog post..Sadie – Now with more estrogen!
Oh Lotus, I am so sad for you. I’m so very sorry to hear this news.
Take this time to mourn, glad you have your boys to give you more love.
Hugs to you…
Karen MEG’s last blog post..OMG, was that a Pick Up Line?
~JJ!’s last blog post..Haiku I love you
I must admit, I can relate to those words- big time! It is good to let it all out so that you can move on and shift your thoughts to more positive things.. Hope you are feeling better and I love that photo.
Talina’s last blog post..The job search continues… Evansville, IN?
Karen of Sillymonkeez
Very well written!! I am so sorry for your loss, Lotus. I am so glad that your husband and child are helping you through this difficult time.
Karen of Sillymonkeez’s last blog post..Weekend Plans
Oh Lotus my heart breaks for you. Beautiful Hai’ku though.
I gave you an award over at my blog dear.
I struggle with poetry but I admire yours. I tried it once back in high school but it never took. I feel with you as I have been down your path twice before.
I have experienced the same struggles. My thoughts are with you. Big ((hugs)).
Kendra’s last blog post..Pass, please!
Queen of Shake Shake
I am so sorry you are going through this. I’m keeping you in my thoughts.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..The Shake-Shake Marriage – A Double Entendre?
The haiku is beautiful even though it breaks my heart for you. I am so so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and I’m sending all the Internet love and hugs I’ve got.
SusanB’s last blog post..Experimenting
Sending sympathies your way.
I miscarried my Little One this past August at seven weeks, and it was absolutely terrible. The feeling of brokeness was incredibly over powering and yes, so empty.
I know this is about you, not me…
But the good news for me was that I got pregnant again only 2 1/2 months later. It’s still a terrible loss, a baby gone.
I wish you all the best.
You’re lucky to have so much support–you’re certainly one of the most popular mommies out in internet land!
Laura’s last blog post..“I heart my Aunties”
Oh, sweetie. Sending you big warm hugs. Would you like cookies? I’ll send cookies, just email me your address. Seriously.
Elizabeth’s last blog post..It’s the Two’s A Charm Virtual Baby Shower!
Letting out your bitterness and sadness is a good thing. I feel for you so much. After my first child, I had two miscarriages one at 6 months and the other early (about 8 weeks) before I became pregnant again(I had 5 after that!). You will heal but you will never forget this baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Deborah Dowd’s last blog post..Back in Business!!
Been thinking of you a lot these past few days. Take care, lean on those sweet fellas, and do what you need to do.
I once had someone (basically) say that letting go is not forgetting, it is accepting and using that experience for the next step. Lots of thoughts your way. Those two boys of yours must help a lot too.
Jenski’s last blog post..So close
I picture this little swan shaped spot in your heart …
Dawn’s last blog post..I’m never watching “The Toy” again…
Forgive me for being so behind on your blog. But I’ve decided to make up for it!
I’m glad you have those two handsome boys to cheer you up!
Shannymar’s last blog post..Days like this.
Love you Lotus… I’m so so sorry.
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