The Talk. No, not *that* one.
I think I screwed up on “The Spider Talk.”
Recently, Braden and I were sitting at the table eating dinner when he started talking about a spider while staring the Big Eye Stare at the floor to his right. I looked, and yes, there was a wolf spider near the baseboard a few feet away from him.
I had actually seen the spider run in the door when I was letting the dog out to pee, minutes before we sat down to eat.
“That’s a spider, Mommy, a spider. That’s right, Mommy, THAT’S A SPIDER!”
“Yes, that’s a spider, Braden. It’s okay. The spider came inside because it is very cold outside and he wanted to warm up.”
“Spider came inside because it’s cooooooooold, Mommy.”
“Yes, he did. But if you leave him alone you will be fine.”
“Leave the spider alone!”
“That’s right, leave the spider alone, because if you bother the spider he will bite you.”
His head whipped around so fast it almost flew right off his neck and he stared at me. He took a very serious tone.
“He will bite you?”
“Yes, spiders can bite and it hurts very much. If you bother the spider, he will bite you and that hurts. So just leave the spider alone, okay?”
He paused, staring at me with a great deal of concern. Then, he got a bit excited.
“The spider will bite you and it hurts. It weally WEALLY WEALLY HURTS!”
I was starting to worry that maybe I should have just left the whole biting issue alone.
“Uh… um, yes. It might bite you if you mess with it. And it really hurts. So leave the spider alone.”
“THE SPIDER WILL BITE YOU AND IT WEALLY HUUUUUURRRTS!”
“Hey, why don’t you eat some more of your fish?”
During the rest of dinner, he kept looking over at the spider, who was still just sitting in his same spot. He was probably thinking weird stalker spider thoughts. I have to admit, it was kind of creepy the way he was just chilling there, seeming to stare at Braden. Maybe wolf spiders like fish. Maybe they like cute little boys.
I forgot about it and after dinner Braden was in the living room playing and I was in the kitchen making apple cider.
Suddenly he started making a ruckus and ran up to me and started tugging my pants leg frantically, making anxious breathing sounds as he jitterbugged in place.
“Mommy, hold me. Pick me up. Up. Up. Mommy hold me! Mommy, hold me!”
While it’s not unheard of for him to want me to hold him, he is generally not frantic like this about it.
“Why? Mommy is making cider, Braden. What’s wrong?”
“MOH.MEE.HOLD.BRA.DEN.”
“Why?”
“The spider is RUNNING!!!!” (I could almost hear the implied, “you stupid bitch!” at the end.)
AWESOME. I did NOT instill Spider Awareness and Caution. Instead I planted SPIDER FEAR ZOMG!
I really don’t want him to be afraid of spiders, just careful. Then again, I know some parents who can tell you spider fear is probably better than the opposite side of the spectrum. My parents would likely tell you it’s way better than having a kid who tried to keep a black widow spider as a pet and then let it loose in the house.
And a grade school teacher of mine will probably let you know that it’s totally uncool when a little girl brings said black widow spider to school for show and tell.
But as for Braden’s possible burgeoning spider fear? If he does decide to go the route of Those Who Fear Arachnids, I may be unable to relate to him, but you need not worry about him feeling alone. You see, there’s a club around here for Spider Scaredy-Cats.
Previously, there has only been one member. I might be the only one around here with a real, working vagina, but sometimes you’d wonder.
Maybe they can perfect their girlish shrieks together as a bonding exercise.
38 comments
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Junebug
Did you take the spider back outside? I don’t like spiders but I don’t kill all that I see in the house. But I would kill any fiddleback or black widow in any house. Don’t wolf spiders give off their little hairs and make you itch or something? Once one was in my house with a bunch of babies on its back. It was dark and I stepped on it and flipped on the light and saw about a hundred little babies moving. Really creeped me out. It didn’t kill it when I stepped because I jumped quickly.
.-= Junebug´s last blog ..Christmas time is here again =-.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Junebug,
I have seen many a wolf spider with young on her back – it’s both repulsive
looking as well as amazing.
See my comment below for detailed info about spider stuff.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Krista
I am not a huge fan of spiders… especially large ones in my house. Small ones I will sometimes allow to stay in out of the way places because I have other bug problems too…
A month or so ago though my son (about Braden’s age) told me “spider, mommy” and there was a LARGE wolf spider on the floor in my kitchen, just at a place he could have hidden under a rack. I caught him in a plastic tub and we inspected him and made him move around.
Then I flushed him. Sorry, spiders that big that come in my house are not welcome. I will leave them alone outside when they are in their natural habitat… my house is my habitat, not theirs!
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Krista,
I’m not judgmental about what other people do with spiders/insects, so no worries.
We kill sometimes, but I’m more likely to capture in a cup and throw them outside.
The exception is widows and recluses. I will kill them if I find them anywhere inside or outside near our home. They are much, much more of a worry than Wolf Spiders.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Kari C
Well, you are now my new girl hero because I am deathly afraid of large spiders. Aren’t Wolf Spiders dangerous?
I found a rather large brown spider under my broom in the kitchen, I screamed and jumped at the same time, the husband got all “macho” about it until he actually SAW it. He did hesitate but when he stepped on the broom to squish the spider, it freekin crunched!!! I think anyone should be allowed to be afraid of those kind of spiders! Don’t get me started on mice……..
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Kari C,
If they bite you, you’d be unhappy about it, yes. But it’s uncommon.
Many spiders can deliver a bite that will cause pain and swelling… we just try to avoid
I usually throw them outside. We do kill sometimes.
actually provoking them.
John is very very pro spider-kill. After he screams.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Jessica
Oh god I hate spiders! Give me any other bug, even bees and wasps, give me snakes or mice. I can handle those fine, but spiders.. bleck.. give me the heebs just THINKING about them. I won’t kill them outside but inside is fair game for me to have my husband come kill them. *shudder*
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..The best part of an adult christmas =-.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Jessica,
John hates every single thing you just listed.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Zoeyjane
Thank you for not including a picture of the spider. *shudder*
.-= Zoeyjane´s last blog ..On raising funds, food and stuffs in Vancity =-.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Zoeyjane,
I didn’t have one. But I did think about it, and I remembered how people
always get a little pissed at me when I do that. I literally thought of you.
You’re welcome.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Al_Pal
Heh. If they are in the bathroom or garage, I let them live, to catch other things, but if they’re in the bedroom, they gotta go.
We don’t have much in the way of dangerous ones here, though.
Twitter: Al_Pal
lceel
Well, you can make ME a member of the same club as those other vaginally challenged people in your home. *shudder*
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Juan Valdes – Artist =-.
Twitter: lceel
Jenni
You’re a better person than I am! I would have stepped on it.
.-= Jenni´s last blog ..Win Your Way To Being Organized =-.
Missy
I’m deathly afraid of spiders. Big and small. And I have been bitten twice by Wolf Spiders, once by a Brown Recluse. All of them are potentially life-threatening, as well as ‘skin-threatening’. You are one brave soul my friend! My ass would have been running out the house, down the street, and crying like a 2 year old.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Missy,
Ugh, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I have had spider bites, too, and they suck.
We do usually throw them outside (or John kills after he stops screaming)… I just forgot this time.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
C @ Kid Things
Add me in with the girlish shrieks. I almost shrieked just reading about it.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..From the Planet of the North Pole =-.
WackyMummy
That’s priceless. =)
.-= WackyMummy´s last blog ..Size Does Matter =-.
Liz
Dood. I. hate. spiders. Especially the hairy, wolfy kind. More legs and eyes than me = MAJOR advantage. I’m with the shriekers. And the curtain climbers. I can’t even get close enough to kill one without a Hazmat suit and a vacuum cleaner.
Jen
okay seriously. you left a WOLF SPIDER in your house, just hanging out?
You are brave. Or insane. heh
(I HATE SPIDERS.)
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Jen,
I meant to scoop it up and throw it out the door but my memory is shiiiiit.
I was too involved in eating. OM NOM NOM Heh.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Miss
So I went ahead and googled wolf spiders (which I DO NOT RECOMMEND) and after I cleaned up the vomit and stopped shaking, I decided that your son is on the right track. FUCK SPIDERS.
.-= Miss´s last blog ..{W}rite-of-Passage =-.
Mishi
@Miss,
AMEN, SISTER!
LOL
Mikey is DEATHLY afraid of Spiders. Livey is moderately ok with them. Benny and Davey could care less.
Me? I shiver. But, we did have a Black Widow outside, by the grill, that we left alone. Then it went away. It was actually really beautiful!
.-= Mishi´s last blog ..Weekly Winners {The 50mm Edition} =-.
Junebug
Ooh, I just read this: Wolf spiders are venomous and their venom is poisonous. Bites that penetrates the skin can cause serious pain, swelling and itchiness. Some people only experience the symptoms for a few minutes while others get a wound that takes a few days to heal. If the victim is either a child or elderly, medical treatment should be sought. The bite may in itself be infectious and potentially dangerous if proper actions are not taken.
.-= Junebug´s last blog ..Christmas time is here again =-.
Missy
@Junebug,
It is called Necrosis (sp?). The venom toxins eat away the skin where the bite is located. It causes a “blackish hole” and looks much like Ganegreen (sp?). Believe me, I had that shit twice after getting bitten. One of the times was while PREGNANT with my youngest child who is five. NAAAAAAASTY stuff.
.-= Missy´s last blog ..Crap! Crafty Mama I am not!! (CONTEST TIME!!….Join in the fun.) =-.
Junebug
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Wolf_spider_with_young_in_garden.jpg
.-= Junebug´s last blog ..Christmas time is here again =-.
toywithme
I use to freak as a kid when there was a spider. Now it’s no big deal. There’s hope he’ll out grow this.
.-= toywithme´s last blog ..How I Tried To Sell My Panties Online =-.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Wow. Okay… I appreciate all the concern, guys. Thanks!
But there are some things you need to know about me:
1) I grew up in the country, and I learned a lot about all kinds of creepy crawly things first-hand as well as from education by others. I know which things to avoid and what kind of cautions to take.
2) I do know about wolf spiders, and that you wouldn’t want to french kiss one. However, as far as venomous spiders go, the wolf is of lesser worry. It’s also true that they avoid confrontation with humans. By “bite if provoked” it means if they have no way out or you are trying to crush them or piss them off in some way. (Let’s not poke the spider with a sick, m’kay? hehe) This is part of the reason I wanted to instill caution in Braden – he *will* come into contact with spiders in his life… I wanted him to have respect for the potential harm.
3) I actually meant to scoop the wolf spider up in a large plastic cup and throw him outside (yes, I often do the whole rescue thing, unless it’s a widow or a recluse, and then I KILL KILL KILL), but I just forgot while we were eating. My memory is shit.
4) We have actually lived in an apartment that had a brown recluse infestation and I had a lengthy discussion with the long time owner of a successful professional extermination company. He gave me a lot of useful information about spiders, recluses in particular, and bites really are uncommon if you don’t create hazardous situations (dust ruffles on your bed, for example, are an invitation for a midnight visit from an eight-legger).
There are way WAY more spiders in your home than you realize. The ones you see are nothing compared to all the ones hiding on a regular basis. (Sorry if that skeeves you, it’s just true.)
Cleaning regularly and being careful when you enter areas that have been undisturbed for long periods of time, or putting on clothes/shoes that haven’t been moved for awhile are your best bet in avoiding a meeting that ends in a bite.
All that being said, I really do appreciate the concerns you guys have for our safety, but I can assure you, I’m on top of it. Sorry if I freaked anyone out!
We’ll be fine, I promise.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Missy
@Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus,
I did nothing…NOTHING to the damn little buggers and they still got me. Shows how good my karma/luck is, huh? (= And always as I slept soundly in bed. Did my snoring piss them buggers off or something?
.-= Missy´s last blog ..Crap! Crafty Mama I am not!! (CONTEST TIME!!….Join in the fun.) =-.
Michelle Smiles
My first husband and I had a log cabin on 10 acres. We had wolf spiders as big as my palm…and those suckers could jump in addition to scurrying around at lightning speed. I’m not a fan of spiders – my theory has always been that I leave them alone when I am in their house (outside) but if they enter my house they are dead. My ex thought I was exaggerating when I talked of these huge spiders I was having to kill almost daily. Until I heard him screaming like a little girl from the bedroom one day. Heh. Told ya.
.-= Michelle Smiles´s last blog ..The neighbors are looking at us funny =-.
norm
There are times when I think spider fear is genetic — so deeply buried in the brainstem that it can’t be removed. A kind of evolution-based thing that dates back to the Triassic or whenever when there were scorpions the size of Labradors. I thought your approach was really great, but I wonder if you can really battle Darwin
Kellee
Oh I’m worried if THAT was enough to freak him out. Had that been me, and had he pointed the spider out during dinner, I would have leapt from my chair and hauled ass to the vacuum to dispose of it. I can’t imagine what kind of damage I’m going to cause one day.
Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings
Isn’t it great how readers can totally over react to something that was meant to be funny. Happens to me all the time. It’s like they totally take it the wrong way. Der!
Anyhow…I’m not criticizing those readers who were concerned, I just think it is funny.
And I thought the story was hilarious because it sounds like something that very well could have happened in my house!
.-= Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings´s last blog ..I Heart Faces: Tooshies! =-.
kompostela
Spiders can be cute:) We don’t have big spiders in Ukraine so I need to buy it first to have at home:)
I think it’s nice idea to have big spider at home:) I know you didn’t want to let it go deep in your heart:) You are so kind.
.-= kompostela´s last blog ..Making Decorations For Christmas Tree With Toddler =-.
Stacey
I don’t neccesarily like spiders but sometimes a just ttry to catch them and throw them outside. BTW your blog is great! I just wanted to pass this along for possibly a future blog post for you…check out http://www.cellitused.com. You can sell your old cell phones and electronics to them to make extra money every month. You can also do fundraisers personally or for an organization to raise extra money. This might help your readers make some extra cash for the holidays.
Miss Grace
I grew up in a woodsy house full of crawl spaces, so it really just wasn’t PRACTICAL to be afraid of spiders.
.-= Miss Grace´s last blog ..Google Wave! =-.
hecticmom
OMG… I read this last night – and I woke myself up screaming because I had a dream that flying wolf spider landed on me in the bathroom.
WTH? I haven’t had a night terror like that in 13+ years.
Spiders ARE scary.
.-= hecticmom´s last blog ..OH NOEZZZZ!!!!!!!!! =-.
Brigid
We have had a brown recluse issue, so my policy is to squish first and then figure out what variety of spider it is. But the dust ruffle thing puts chills on my spine. How am I supposed to hide all the crap under the beds without the bed skirt?
.-= Brigid´s last blog ..I’m not nervous (yet) =-.
junebug
Oh, I know you can take care of your sweeties and keep those old spiders away. I don’t like to kill them either and think taking the big ones out and leave the small ones alone as long as they stay hidden. Exception would be brown recluse and black widows. They cannot live in my house.
.-= junebug´s last blog ..Swampy in New York, New York! =-.