The Whole Damn Apple
- At November 27, 2007
- By Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom
- In Humor, My Son, Parenting
24
Braden has become quite fond of apples lately. But only apples in the certain way he wants them. Yes, if you try to cut up an apple all nice-like for The Exalted One, he will kindly repay you by thrashing in his high chair, grumbling, then whining, and then end the show by shrieking while flinging the disgusting, offensive apple slices in all directions. Just as long as those hideous creatures no longer grace his tray.
Didn’t you know that he’s a big boy now? He only wants to eat WHOLE apples.
Can he eat a whole apple in under 7 days? Why yes, he can! It only takes him 6 days, 23 hours and 59 minutes!
Will you become “Murder Target Number One” if you take it away from him before he’s done? Why, yes! Yes, you will!
So, ok. I let him walk around all day with an apple lately. It makes him rather happy. He munches it, slobbers on it, and rubs it on various items as he walks by them, then continues eating it. I cringe and bite my lip, but I let him have it. He enjoys walking around with it, and randomly throwing it down on the floor over and over again.
I saw him eat a piece of my hair off his apple today. I thought, “Hmmm. That’ll hold a few log chunks together later.”
When he finally gets almost done with it, he has eaten all the flesh and come to the core, reducing it to a slobbery, mushy mess I like to call, “Choke-Fest 2007,” and he doesn’t entirely understand why I have to take it from him.
“Honey, that’s the core, if you try to put that whole last part in your mouth and cram it to the back of your throat like that, you can get hurt… no… stop doing that… give it to Mommy! Braden, now, see how you’re making that gagging sound and you can’t breath so well? That’s exactly what Mommy was trying to warn you about.”
24 comments
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Becky
Ah, the joys of toddler-hood. Finding icky-sticky-grimy-slimy-scuzzy-fuzzy grossness all over your house. It won’t stop anytime soon… My Princess is 6 1/2 and I still find crud from her (as well as the 2 1/2 year old Peanut) all over my house. They trail it and track it. You see it and think an army of Oscar-the-Grouches must have marched through your house!
Oh, and I can relate to the whole screeching, slinging tantrum thing, too. The Peanut is very good at that… along with “I do it MYSELF!” SCRREEEECH!!
Badness Jones
ewww! Why will they not eat the yummy, lovingly prepared meals we make, but if they find any nasty, gross particles lying on the ground they thrust it in their mouths with a grin before you can yank it away? Babies….whassup with that?
Secret Agent Mama
LOL! That core is too funny. If you were one of my friends, and your name was Shelley, you would have been posting this from the insane asylum. The anxiety would push. her. over. the. edge.
Davey’s gotten into whole apples lately, too. Too freakin’ cute!
Still Single!
Even tho it is sooooooo ewwww (pic) He is sooo cute.. I would let him walk around with anything in my house he wants to just because he is sooo cute with those wonderful EYES!!!!
p.s. yes I seen your Rack.. LOL Very Nice
Hydes Like Us
Oh yuck! That is hilarious. What a funny kid!
My son has a thing about bananas. Whenever he sees a banana he goes wild. Even if he just ate a seven course meal. “Nana!! Nana!!” The poor kid is so stopped up from all the bananas- it’s probably abuse.
-HH
MP
LOL..GROSS…YUCK…Too funny.
My stepson is 8..he will only eat things cut certain ways.. and things need to be from a certain color can or box..
Apples..must be whole. I can’t believe he won’t eat the apple dippers from McDonalds..he says that they are “cut funny”.. OMG
Jenny Jenny Bo-benny
Oh dear, suddenly I feel better… I thought I was the only one! Yesterday, it was mac n cheese. He refused to use his spoon, preferring his fingers for the job and when I *reminded* him for like the *3rd time* that that was yucky, he dunked a handful of noodles in his cup of water then flung them onto the window- TWICE. I could see his little gears turning- “Yucky?? I’ll SHOW you yucky!”
Tiff
LOL my little man will take the slices and inspect them before he throws them one at a time on the floor. He loves whole apples, plums and get this. . .raw potatos. yes he does. I have such a weird child!
dawn
snort.
my kid played with the toilet brush today. bad side effect of me blogging on the can.
Beck
Eeee. I am one of those anxious moms and my Baby only gets apples with her mother hovering over, ever-ready to perform the Heimlich.
Marie
My kids insist on whole apples too, but they just want to fondle and kiss them. Occasionally my son might take a bite, then it becomes tainted and he gives it back.
Veronica
Braden + Amy = Soul mates! (for them)
Braden + Amy = Grey hairs! (for us)
Amy does exactly the same thing! She doesn’t understand why I hate her enough to steal her apple core.
Kelley
My Boo loves apples. No he REALLY lurves them. He would marry a golden delicious if it would make it to the actual ceremony in a dress without being consumed.
He ate 2 kilos in one day. Then I had to hide them. And he would hunt em down. Sniffing them out like the bear in the Bear in the Big Blue House.
He sucks the life outta them so they look like fossilized cores when he is finished.
They are high on his Christmas list, cause mean Mummy will only let him eat 2-3 a day.
Pure evil, I am.
OHmommy
Hmmmm… we have the BEST apple peeler slicer thingy that the kids can do themselves. It peels the apple and then creates a curly Q design by decording it.
Wow, that makes no sense. But imagine a skinless, cord-less, curly Q apple slices. The kids LOVE it. A new way of eating apples.
I’m telling you – it is a new way.
Sandy C.
Ahhhh, the forbidden fruit! We too have the same lack of control issues here with our toddler.
I posted about us taking our tot apple picking this fall….just a quick word of advice….apples, and lots of them = poop-o-rama!
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away….because the colon will be forever clear
melissa
My guys did the fruit thing, too. My older one (now 10) got up on the kitchen table when he was about 18 mos and took one bite out of every piece of fruit that was in the bowl. Guess who moved the fruit bowl the next day?
And becky is right, just because they get bigger doesn’t mean that they stop leaving sticky messes. I have cleaned toothpaste off of the CEILING in the bathroom. I don’t want to know…
SJ
Whoa, my kids do the same damn thing. What’s with the apples all of a sudden?
Jules
“Choke-Fest 2007″! Heh heh…
Jules
House of Jules
janet
there’s nothing like a toddler feeling his oats (and his apples).
justmylife
That is so funny and it brings back so many memories!
frog ponds rock...
I found an apple behind the couch the other day.mmm It only had a small bite taken out of it…Must of been stashed for emergencies hehehe
cheers kim
Karleigh
You know, hair is one of the only materials that the acids in your stomach can’t digest. So, if it doesn’t come out in his poop, it’s there FOREVER!
Kitty
Hmmmmm… I seem to have this problem with hair as well.I’m sure Griffin has a small hairball in his stomache by now……….
imaginary sarah
I can’t say I’m much better than Braden. I eat cat hair all the time since it’s floating around our house like astronauts in zero gravity.