“There’s a first time for everything…”
That’s what they say. Today, I had a first time. And it led me pondering along a time-line of them.
There’s a first time to realize that you can find someone else in the world you love more than you thought was possible, even when they piss you off, and you are willing to be there for them forever.
There’s a first time to realize that you’re ready for something completely different, and brave enough to let it grow.
There’s a first time to realize that you are not the most important person in your own life. And it’s okay with you.
There’s a second time to realize that you can find someone else in the world you love more than you thought was possible, even when they piss you off, and you are willing to be there for them forever.
You’d do anything to take their pain.
Their joy is your joy.
There’s a first time to realize that it’s possible to love the hardest thing you’ve ever done (or will do) more than anything else you’ve ever done (or will do).
There are many times in your life when your heart does flip flops and your chest gets tight…. And it’s good.
There are many times in your life when your heart does flip flops and your chest gets tight…. And it’s bad.
And then there are those times when you find out that those two things can occur simultaneously.
Today, my heart did flip-flops and my chest got tight. And it was good because I am excited about doing something I haven’t done in a long time; I’m excited to travel and have some time to myself.
Today, my heart did flip-flops and my chest got tight. And it was bad, because I left my little boy with someone else for the first time in our lives.
I know it is not a bad thing. I know he is safe, happy, and loved where he is right now. But my heart will do some funky flip flops until I see him again.
This first time smiling at him while I waved goodbye, knowing I would not see him for days was hard. This first time driving away from him on purpose for so long and so far was not easy.
These first tears once he was out of sight were quite effortless.
He is my littlest bff and I’m absolutely ready for our first time saying hello again. I may just kiss all the skin off of his face.
I’m sure when his first tantrum after I return rings in my head with its usual intensity, I’ll have my first time wondering what the hell was so bad about traveling without him. But then we’ll find something to laugh about, have some tickles and make some fart noises. And we’ll get right back to our same old, usual routine of mommy and son.
I can’t wait. Because the well-worn, happy non-firsts that we take for granted together every day are the blessings of my life.
**************
Now, Chicago? Get ready. Thanks to the awesometastic entities you can view at the footer of my website, me and my bewbs are traveling to this conference together this year. And tight chest or not, It’s On.
24 comments
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Cher
Lotus, that is just beautiful.
I hope you enjoy your time at Blogher!
.-= Cher´s last blog ..As You Get Married =-.
Nikki
You and your bewbs have a great time!!
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..Dammit I’m going to do it!! =-.
pamela
have fun at blogher!
ill be in my pjs over at blogher@home!
.-= pamela´s last blog ..BlogHer :/ =-.
Ness
Wishing you the best fun time and success at Blogher. I so wish I could be there too.
You totally deserve to be there – and yes, you MUST enjoy the crap out of yourself!!
B-boy will be fine. Absolutely fine.
It’s your time for some fun and high living! Do not for one moment feel regret. Sure, miss the little guy, but remember that you are totally your own person – too, and you are allowed to enjoy yourself!
.-= Ness´s last blog ..Flipper Photos, Egg Fried Rice and My New Vice =-.
Twitter: droversrunness
Veronica
I’m so jealous, I’m practically green. And determined to save enough to be there next year. Have a ball for me, okay?
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..Sleep and Toys =-.
WackyMummy
Awww! It is hard to have the little guy gone, even for a short time. I like/love/need-desperately my time alone, but I miss him so much even if it’s just a few hours. =)
.-= WackyMummy´s last blog ..Soccer, Bike-riding and Swimming: 4.5 Hours of Non-Stop Activity Makes A Boy Fall Asleep Before He Lies Down =-.
kompostela
Have good time:)
.-= kompostela´s last blog ..I want it. I don’t want it. =-.
Kara
A beautiful post. Have a great time at BlogHer!
Jennifer
Beautiful, just beautiful.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Baby Bubbles =-.
Secret Mom Thoughts
I know it must be hard to be away from Braden but you are going to have a great time. Beautiful post.
.-= Secret Mom Thoughts´s last blog ..Then and Now Thursday =-.
Angie
Lotus,
Hey! It’s been 2 million years since I’ve left you a comment. (even though I do read your blog religiously) Life is busy and time is precious with my 12 month old! You don’t know anything about that, do you?
I totally feel you pain about leaving your little boy. It’s crazy but I feel that way sometimes at night when I’ve put him down for bed. He can drive me nuts all day and I’ll look so forward to his bedtime but then, after a few hours of him sleeping, I get to missing that rotten little boy and can’t wait to hold him the next morning.
Have fun on your trip. Will you by chance see The Pioneer Woman? I love her…and you too!
Your Long Lost Friend,
Angie H.
.-= Angie´s last blog ..10 Minutes =-.
Patsys
Lump in throat, misty eyes. This is beautiful.
Now go; have a great time —
Angi
absolutely beautiful…
.-= Angi´s last blog ..Think Back Thursday ~ Call 911??? =-.
Jeanette
Enjoy it!!
.-= Jeanette´s last blog ..Cousin Erin came to play =-.
Twitter: jenty
John Carroll
What a great post, love! A first for me, being home with both of you gone. I can’t wait to see you both. Have fun at BlogHer’09!
Twitter: thejohncarrollgmail.com
christie
Pocklock
I cried MOST of the way here. I hope to be able to meet you before Sunday!
.-= Pocklock´s last blog ..Blogher 09 Part 1: Behind the Plant =-.
Catherine
First time reading the blog, but have fun at BlogHer loved the post!
Athena
Much Love,
~A
.-= Athena´s last blog ..Great News! =-.
Laura Harr
Great post, Lotus! Your happy self is great
Have fun on your time away.
.-= Laura Harr´s last blog ..97 Days Left =-.
chasingjoy
Your photography speaks volumes then your words just bring it all together with a nice big bow. Very nice. Have a great time!
Eve
I hadn’t ever thought of those first times in quite that way. Thanks for the expanded perspective.
.-= Eve´s last blog ..This and That and a Couple of Good Books =-.
Stephanie
that was beautiful…thank you for that post
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..CANVAS UNWRAPPED – Lindsay’s Story =-.
Al_Pal
Awww. Really sweet post. First times. ;D
Twitter: Al_Pal