What you get when I’m saving you from the really bad posts I’ve written.
I’ve written a lot of posts lately.
But I haven’t published many. Why?
No, it’s not because I was too busy taking pictures of my fat ass.
It’s because they are all either weepy and sad or angry and bitter. And, contrary to what you may think, they are not all about the whole miscarriage thing.
Apparently I’m angry and bitter, and feeling ranty and shitty about lots of things.
And towards lots of people. Whoa, Nelly. That just ain’t kosher, eh? I’m trying to BE A GOOD PERSON.
See that Tagline up there in my header?
“because survival requires humor”
I really do believe that.
But my funny isn’t sustaining enough for me to write good humor posts lately. And that PISSES ME OFF.
And also? I’m tired of eating beans and staring at the $12,000 in medical bills we’ve accumulated these past few months.
Because farts are funny, and all, but this? This is not funny. This is depressing.
And depressing farts don’t really make very good humor posts.
So I’ll go back to writing my private, weepy, rantlike, depressing, shitty posts on my computer. And then not publishing them.
But I’ll whine to you about it. SINCE THAT IS OH SO FUNNY, RIGHT?
Just punch me in the face and get it over with.
*farrrrt*
(don’t laugh, that was a depressing one… couldn’t you tell by the tone? amateurs.)
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Rachel
I have your phone number. don’t make me use it.
dude, fat ass? whatever.
My ass could envelop yours. you’ll see. two weeks baby.
Rachels last blog post..Happy Birthday Nathan. I Love You
Rachel
ZOMG. First.
{faints}
Rachels last blog post..Happy Birthday Nathan. I Love You
Karen (Miscellaneous Mum)
I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I too have posts saved that will probably never see the light of day. ((HUGS))
Karen (Miscellaneous Mum)s last blog post..I’m calling a ‘Finish Your Stories week’
Kat
Hey, at least you have a good reason for writing shitty posts which will never see the light of day. You’re in a MOOD. You FEEL something. Most of the posts I don’t publish are just borrrrrrrrrring..zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Kats last blog post..Kat Needs Coffee
Veronica
You could always email them to me. Unless of course I am one of the people you are feeling ranty about, in which case I think you need more chocolate.
And the shitty bitter and ranty? Yeah, I have a whole bunch of those posts in my head and I CANNOT post them because of who reads me. Sigh.
Veronicas last blog post..90 Minutes
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Veronica,
Do you write them out anyway? I do that because to me, writing at least helps me deal. Hey, this is not a journal, you know, it’s something I’m showing everyone.
But I can still have a personal journal, damnit. That’s just for me! And I think of my “unpublished posts” as my personal journal… and therapist.
LOL
And no, you are not the subject of any of my ranty shitty writings. I luvs ya.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Veronica
@Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus, Nope, instead I tend to vent/rant to Mum. Am thinking seriously about using Her Bad Mother’s basement at some point though, just to rant.
Veronicas last blog post..90 Minutes
SingleParentDad
Feeling is believing, is that what they say, no shit, it’s something else. But it should be.
SingleParentDads last blog post..No Fun In Funeral
witchypoo
Yeah, that fart was depressing, and it smelled like old cabbage. It was an “I fart in your general direction” fart.
Feeling better can also involve choosing how to react. I’m glad you joined Grace in small things.
witchypoos last blog post..Grace the Threeth
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@witchypoo,
Yep, and your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries, too.
I’ve got some GinSM posts in draft. Just have to finish them up and figure out where they go. I have too many options really. Heh!
Twitter: LotusCarroll
connie
Sorry you’re feeling the “blahs” & hope you feel better soon. It’ll just take some time~just give yourself time.
connies last blog post..Weekly Winners=January 18-24 2009
SECRET AGENT MAMA
Dude, when you hear me fart your blahs will just MAGICALLY disappear! I’m tellin’ ya!
Rebecca
I don’t know if this is the same everywhere, but last year I had to take my son to the ER and we don’t have insurance. They have a charity program where they will pay for a percentage of the bill depending on your income. It may be worth looking into.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Rebecca,
Don’t worry, we’re trying for help. What sucks is that John’s last year’s yearly salary doesn’t impress anyone that we need help. But he’s been without steady work for 2 months now, and has very little lined up for the next 2 months.
No one seems to care about that. All they care about is our year end earnings from last year. Somehow, programs like this don’t seem to realize that some professions earn variable amounts of money, and what supported us just fine LAST year has nothing to do with what’s coming in NOW.
But enough of the whining about THAT. In the end, I’m sure we’ll be fine. It’s just hard to look at that stack of bills right now and know we can’t do anything about them, ya know?
Twitter: LotusCarroll
ali
if it makes you feel better, i’m NEVER funny..no matter how friggin’ hard i try…*sigh*
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@ali,
Dude, then what is with all the chuckles you have elicited from me?
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME???
Twitter: LotusCarroll
perpstu
I have loads of posts that are depressing and crappy and will never see the light of day too. I’m sorry about the medical bill crap, it just adds unnecessary crap to an already stressful world! ((HUGS))
Twitter: perpstu
Betsey
I’m getting this line printed on a T-shirt:
And depressing farts don’t really make very good humor posts.
Betseys last blog post..80′s Street Wear Ain’t For Sissies
Ashlie- Mommycosm
Phew!!! [holding nose]
Dude, did you eat asparagus lately?!
Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..Quote: Happiness
Mrs. Schmitty
Farts are funny, no matter what, and so are you.
Hugs.
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..The Silent Scream
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
Those unpublished posts? I think we all have ‘em.
Second to leaning on friends, they’re the best therapy there is! (And its FREE!)
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..If you show me yours…
Twitter: mommy_wins
Tabitha
That’s one thing I think I appreciate about having a blog that very few people read (so far)…I never feel like I can’t write (and post) stuff because it might be dissatisfying to readers.
I say, “Say what you need to say.” (Yeah, that’s a John Mayer quote, and I’m slightly embarrassed that I’m using it…)
From what I can tell, your readers love you because of your transparency, regardless of whether you are making them laugh with each post. Heck, even a sarcastic mom should be allowed to be stone-cold serious once in awhile.
Tabithas last blog post.."Just put your lips together and blow."
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Tabitha,
Honestly, I do say whatever I feel I need to say here. But you’ll come to realize that there is a boundary you’ll want to define for yourself. And there are some things that might need to be said, but maybe not to everyone, maybe only to a certain group of people, maybe only one other person, and maybe some things that you only feel the need to say to yourself. It’s good to develop those ideas and explore them.
I’m never going to change my level of transparency. Admitting that I’m drawing a line is actually part of that.
Hey, there are only so many times everyone online can say, “omg i am so so sorry (((hugs)))” you know? Some things I write about are for my therapy, but they’re not going to add anything of quality to this website, so I keep them to myself. That’s the difference between a bedside journal and a website that you choose to publish for other people to read, KWIM? And if I identify that I’m writing something that will hurt someone I care about, I keep that off the front page, too. I’ve learned that there are some things more important than saying everything I think all the time to everyone. Friendship, love, and caring for others falls into that category.
Looks like I could have written a blog post about this, too, eh?
Thanks for reading, Tabitha. I’m glad you appreciate my openness. And I appreciate your support and kindness.
Oh, and the funny? I’m also glad other people like that… but I truly do need it back… just for ME!
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Tabitha
@Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus,
Ah yes, gotcha. I definitely DO understand the need to be able to write stuff that may be just for me. I think I assumed you were wary of posting too much non-funny stuff just because of how your readers might respond, but I totally get what you’re sayin’. Come to think of it, I have written things for the original intent to post to a blog and then realized they didn’t need to be made public — it was just the process of writing it that needed to be done, and I kept them for myself. Thanks for the reminder/suggestion to start to define my boundaries in my public blogging endeavor!
Carry on with your farts, now. (Oh, and on that note: have you ever had turnips? I had them for the first time this weekend and LORD ALMIGHTY did they make my gas especially stinky.)
Tabithas last blog post.."Just put your lips together and blow."
Tabitha
Oh, PS – As your Twitter friend, I think you should totally stick a widget thingamajig up here that shows your updates…cuz they are GREAT.
Tabithas last blog post.."Just put your lips together and blow."
Lee the MWOB Queen
I really think you’re sounding better. At least to me someone who doesn’t know jack.
Your post reminded me that my brother-in-law downloaded this Fart app onto his iPhone and had my girls laughing their asses off when he tried to trick my stepmother-in-law at the breakfast table that those sounds were really his farts.
Point is? Download the app, play a trick on someone and laugh!
Lee the MWOB Queens last blog post..I have a secret.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Lee the MWOB Queen,
Ohhh, honey… I SO don’t need an app.
Please. Trust me.
I’ve got it covered all on my own.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Kara
So I saw something today that made me think of you and Dawn (Alex’s mama) and then I read this and instead of posting it on my blog where it doesn’t belong, I will share here….
I was behind a car that I had to do a double take on today because I swore it said, “Imported Farts Specialist”
As I pulled up alongside the car, the same slogan was there except it said Parts and not Farts.
And I thought “and I giggle because I’m 12″ (and I gotta share it with fellow 12 year old gigglers)
But as it pulled ahead again, it truely did say Farts on the back. I LOVE that someone whited out the part of the P. Genious Vandalism at work.
Karas last blog post..Hey What’s That Funk?
Barbara
I should imagine that an ass that skinny would produce teeny tiny farts – you need to fatten yourself up to my size, then your farts will be funny again.
Barbaras last blog post..27/365 – Not That Poorly
Talina
I totally know what you mean, I write shitty posts on my blog just to get it all out then they stay private as my diary like you said… Cleanses the toxins just like farting!
Talinas last blog post..I can’t sit idle, I am always working on something…
Maggie's Mind
Makes sense, Lotus. Here of late there are a whole *bunch* of things I want to say, and I’ve even started a few posts, but until I can find a way to say them without sounding like a complete asshole, one set remains unpublished, and until I can say them without sounding like I’m whining the same old song, another set remains unpublished. The day the drafts accidentally all become public is the day I lose friends and look weepy. I hadn’t thought about farting as part of my coping mechanism, but that might work. You keep farting, we’ll keep reading. Your readers are awesome like that.
Maggie’s Minds last blog post..A is for…
Tranny Head
First off, I enjoyed the picture of your ass. Totally hawt.
Secondly, good for you for keeping writing. Whether you publish it or not. Whatever you need to do, girl, you do it. Grief isn’t a nice and easy little thing that conveniently disappears after two weeks and then you’re suddenly back to your old self again. We all recognize that, man. You do what you’ve gotta do.
*big hugs*
PS – I just farted.
Tranny Heads last blog post..Totally Incensed Tuesday #33 = Wyoming!
Jennifer S^N
public, no. private, no public…no PRIVATE….(my own issues with split personality disorder
ARGH! WTH is a girl to do! I miss you, really miss you…Just wanted to say that and I really don’t even know you but you are the only person who sends me updates every day from your site….so thanks eh? I don’t feel so alone in the tundra!
Karleigh
If you ever need to talk, I’m here. I miss you, you never respond to me anymore.
Or you do but for some reason I’m not getting it. Tell me if I did something wrong, ok?
<3K
Anissa@hope4peyton
I’m pretty sure, and I could be wrong about this, but if anyone calls you whiny and weepy or a hot mess, after what you’ve been through you get to kidney punch them until they pee blood.
Just heal and find your mojo when the time is right. Until then? Crack a window if you’re going to keep eating beans.
Anissa@hope4peytons last blog post..I can’t even begin to lie about it
Shannanb aka Mommy Bits
I went through a shitty post phase. It will pass and hopefully you will be back to yourself before you know it!
Shannanb aka Mommy Bitss last blog post..Menu Planning Tuesday????
Miss
I dont think I could punch you in the face. But I bet I would really like it.
*muah*
Misss last blog post..More Than This
Gabriel
I too have a few posts that are saved in my Windows Live Writer, but remain unpublished. In all cases, it’s because they somehow mention my beloved wife (i.e. things she’s done or said), and I’m good at determining what might cause me to sleep in the deck when it’s 0ºF outside.
Oh, and another thing. I talked about farts yesterday!!! And I have a follow up post scheduled as well. Anybody can tell that *fart* is a depressed fart. The happy ones go in between { }
{farts} Oh, excuse me.
Gabriels last blog post..WW#65 – One too many
Sarah
Why are you angry at Nelly? His last album was not quite all that. Sad.
Hugs.
Sarahs last blog post..Dreary Winter Days Call for Sun.
jennielynn
Sorry, I laughed. It’s a reflex.
jennielynns last blog post..I’m So Ashamed
kompostela
You have sexy ass:))
kompostelas last blog post..Weekly Winners, January 11-17