i am lotus

I thought about whining to you some more about the awful moments we had during our travels this past week.  I even started writing the post.  It went something like this:

“Whine whine whine tantrums blah blah blah vomit simper wimper fuss diarrhea waaaahhhmbulance traffic jams, blah blah etc, etc, poor me, whine.”

About halfway through I reflected upon things and thought, hey!  Maybe they don’t want to read that regurgitated poop (puns intended) that I’ve really already mentioned in quite enough detail to please everyone.

So instead?  More answers to your questions – because really, I have yet to break into this homework assignment far enough, and I shall continue hammering at it, You Wonderful People!  This may take some time – I don’t answer questions in a brief manner very well, so I really only have room for a handful in each post before the darn thing is long and unruly.

Feel free to add more questions on to the original questions post, and as I move through, I’ll just continue answering whatever you want to know. I’m happy to do it, as I get to it. (Yay for stupid rhymes!)

Previous Posts Containing Answers:

• Answers to “Food-Based” Questions
• The Nipple Showing Question
• Second Installment of Answers
• Third Installment of Answers

Today’s Installment:

Kat asked: “How many kids do you want to have?”

Well, when I was a kid, I thought I’d have “several.”  As I grew older, “several” became more like “3.”  I suppose maybe that has something to do with feeling comfortable with what you’re used to, as there were 3 children in my immediate family growing up.

I still felt that way until my recent miscarriage.  During the time directly following that unfortunate event, I had episodes where I was pretty sure I never wanted to have another child.  Instead, I wanted to cling to the idea of getting back the one that had died.  Whatever your ideas about the death of a child may be, it is of no consequence, because what I wanted was that very same child, at that very same time, in that very same flesh. And that, friends, is impossible, so I was coming to the point of stubbornly wanting none if I couldn’t have exactly what I had wanted.

The proverbial sour grape, I guess.  Probably more like the tortured, wounded heart.  I needed more time to grieve.

There’s no amount of “healing” that can happen to make it all better.  Writing helped.  Reading and talking to others helped.  Being there for other people now helps.  I do better on a day to day basis, as far as managing my emotions.

Of course, being pregnant again also helps, even if I’m a nervous ninny a lot of the time.  It gives me something else to worry about and look forward to, so my emotional cup is crowded with other things, and there is less room for the swirling currents of pain and sadness.

I do keep thinking about December 24.  That is the day the baby was due, and it is creeping up on me.  I’m not sure what I will feel on that day.  Today when I thought about it, I cried a little. Perhaps playing Santa will take away some of the pain.

I am just fine now with having 2 children, but I am anticipating the impending stress of having a newborn, a 3 year old, a husband on the road, and several Internet jobs calling for my attention, all at one time.  I’m thinking maybe 2 children will be enough to drive me completely batshit nuts fulfill my life.

LONG ASS ANSWER short?  Two children, kthxbai.

**************

Kerrianne asked: “Heels or flats?”

OH BABY.  Shoes?  We’re talking shoes, here?

I AM A SHOE HOARDER.

I love shoes. Flats, heels, whatever!

Hawt boots rock.

Cute shoes make me happy!

For pity’s sake, I even over-shoe-shop for my kid! He has 6 pair that fit him right now. (Even if he did call them “shits” at one point.)  Yup.  I have a problem. Heh.

**************

Veronica asked: “Are you nervous about the results of the Bloggies?”

Now THAT will show you how dated these questions are.

Yes, I was nervous about the results.  In many ways, I am very laid back.  But I am driven, and if I enter into something, I cannot fail. Must not fail.

So yes, I was nervous.  When I found out I made it to the finals, I was 100% dorkishly happy and stupidly spastic.  Being there with my beloved friend Alli made it that much more golden.

We both lost to that outlandish whore, Jezebel.

Bah!  We are better than Jezebel.  And way, way hotter.  So there.

(Seeing this hot piece win her category made it all better, though.)

**************

Marylin asked, “When are you going to get that monkey you were on about in the Blog365 forums?”

HAHAHAHA!  I told practically EVERYONE that I had a monkey and it would dance for them, or I was going to get a monkey and they should pet him, etc, etc when I was on cocaine (aka participating in Blog365).

But, Marylin, I DO have a monkey.

He’s 2 and his name is Braden.  You may have seen me talk about him?  *snort*

As for the Hippopotamus I also mentioned a lot during NaBloPoMo? No comment. *coughmyownasscoughsneeze*

Is this post too long?  Did you read it all?  Do you give a crap at all anymore?  No?

Good, me either.  More later!