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to grow freely. like the flowers.
it is ok to let go of anger to quietly forgive those who hurt you in the past this is a gift - for you. not for them. to step out of resentment to release yourself from the shackles of disappointment to be alive inside your skin, again. to grow freely. like the flowers. rising up to the sunlight stretching out tall feeling hope flood in. remembering what it feels like to move smoothly, exist in the world without the burden of pain riding your shoulders to be weightless. in the best way. go on. fly free. it is ok.
©lotuscarroll2013
Image & Text All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For image licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com -
lies and smiles
…What have I eaten?
Lies and smiles.
Surely the sky is not that color,
Surely the grass should be rippling.All day, gluing my church of burnt matchsticks,
I dream of someone else entirely.
And he, for this subversion,
Hurts me, he
With his armor of fakery,His high cold masks of amnesia.
How did I get here?
Indeterminate criminal,
I die with variety—
Hung, starved, burned, hooked.I imagine him
Impotent as distant thunder,
In whose shadow I have eaten my ghost ration.
I wish him dead or away.
That, it seems, is the impossibility.That being free. What would the dark
~sylvia plath, excerpt from “the jailer”
Do without fevers to eat?
What would the light
Do without eyes to knife, what would he
Do, do, do without me?
©lotuscarroll2019
Image All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com -
bleeding heart
a heart that does not bleed
is not stronger than one that does -
it is simply dead already.
©lotuscarroll2019
Image All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.comfor self portrait sunday, theme: identity
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snowflakes
what if we all defaulted
to treating one another
like snowflakes, truly:
delicate, beautiful, unique
things of wonder
that reflect light onto one another
what if it was not
a point of shame, an insult,
to be soft and delicate,
to melt in the presence of warmth –
like the bleeding hearts in our chests –
what if we glisten so brightly
that we wear down one another’s
hardest edges, break through the ice,
and all that is left is
an infinite swirling mass
made of prismatic pieces of love,
little geometric wonders,
floating and bouncing
off one another, endlessly,
in all our vulnerable glory?
©2018 Lotus CarrollAll Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. -
stillness
You are the stillness beneath the mental noise.
~Eckhart Tolle
©2018 Lotus Carroll -
she whispered to me, softly
she whispered to me, softly;
her words spin round my head;
i cannot soon forget them,
for this is what she said,
“each day i hide in shadow;
by night, i kill and eat.
those who most despise me,
i sample like a treat;
when they are not looking
i dance into an open sleeve…
instead of complete draining,
i only give a ‘kiss,’ then leave.”
All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com
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Is an apology enough?
I have been thinking a lot about what we should do when we commit a wrong and what it takes to be worthy of being truly forgiven by others. Here’s where I’ve ended up:
Admit wrongdoing, accept personal responsibility, apologize sincerely, commit to any necessary rehabilitation, sacrifice personally to make appropriate reparations, submit to and endure reasonable penalties/penance, be the living proof that your rehab transformation was successful going forward.
Apologizing, while necessary (in my opinion), is the easiest part of this (and, unfortunately, some will imitate sincerity that is not actual). Words, no matter how well formed, are not enough. That is why I believe the other steps are crucial.
Imagine that one carelessly drops a beautiful vase and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. There is nothing they can say that will fix the vase. They must get down on their knees and cut their fingers picking up every piece, giving of their time and effort to carefully glue it back together again. If they are not willing to do so, they certainly do not deserve a thing of such beauty in their life. The vase is not compelled to healing and continued service by mere words.
We cannot expect any human to be perfect, but we owe ourselves decent standards and accountability. I think we can and should hold ourselves and one another to this kind of process as a healthy way back from bad decisions and wrongdoing. I think it’s important not to settle for less than the full process – commit to this yourself when you have wronged; expect this from others who have wronged.
Like you, I have broken things. I am uncomfortably examining myself and demanding these steps. Like you, I have been broken. I will not accept less than these things as I heal.
I am a person consistently full of hope. I believe that, most of the time, what is broken can be healed. That being said, the path to healing ain’t easy.
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she.leans.in.
soft breezes blow; her memories stir
she reflects on lies
that sounded like love
the evil seed of deception grew a towering tree
he thought that it would fruit
to feed only him
but wickedness does not equal wisdom
the tree is now her strength
and has grown in his absence
she is stretching her branches to shelter many others
as a storm marches in
her deep, strong roots take hold and
she.leans.in.
