• to grow freely. like the flowers.

     it is ok
     to let go of anger
     to quietly forgive those 
     who hurt you in the past
     this is a gift -
     for you. not for them.
     to step out of resentment
     to release yourself
     from the shackles
     of disappointment 
     to be alive inside your skin,
     again.
     to grow freely. like the flowers.
     rising up to the sunlight
     stretching out tall
     feeling hope flood in.
     remembering what it feels like
     to move smoothly,
     exist in the world
     without the burden
     of pain riding your shoulders
     to be weightless. in the best way.
     go on. fly free.
     it is ok.

    ©lotuscarroll2013
    Image & Text All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For image licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com
  • lies and smiles

    …What have I eaten?
    Lies and smiles.
    Surely the sky is not that color,
    Surely the grass should be rippling.

    All day, gluing my church of burnt matchsticks,
    I dream of someone else entirely.
    And he, for this subversion,
    Hurts me, he
    With his armor of fakery,

    His high cold masks of amnesia.
    How did I get here?
    Indeterminate criminal,
    I die with variety—
    Hung, starved, burned, hooked.

    I imagine him
    Impotent as distant thunder,
    In whose shadow I have eaten my ghost ration.
    I wish him dead or away.
    That, it seems, is the impossibility.

    That being free. What would the dark
    Do without fevers to eat?
    What would the light
    Do without eyes to knife, what would he
    Do, do, do without me?

    ~sylvia plath, excerpt from “the jailer”

    ©lotuscarroll2019
    Image All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com
  • bleeding heart

    a heart that does not bleed
    is not stronger than one that does -
    it is simply dead already.



    ©lotuscarroll2019
    Image All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com

    for self portrait sunday, theme: identity

  • snowflakes

    what if we all defaulted
    to treating one another
    like snowflakes, truly:
    delicate, beautiful, unique
    things of wonder
    that reflect light onto one another
    what if it was not
    a point of shame, an insult,
    to be soft and delicate,
    to melt in the presence of warmth –
    like the bleeding hearts in our chests –
    what if we glisten so brightly
    that we wear down one another’s
    hardest edges, break through the ice,
    and all that is left is
    an infinite swirling mass
    made of prismatic pieces of love,
    little geometric wonders,
    floating and bouncing
    off one another, endlessly,
    in all our vulnerable glory?

    ©2018 Lotus CarrollAll Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license.
  • she whispered to me, softly

    she whispered to me, softly;
    her words spin round my head;
    i cannot soon forget them,
    for this is what she said,
    “each day i hide in shadow;
    by night, i kill and eat.
    those who most despise me,
    i sample like a treat;
    when they are not looking
    i dance into an open sleeve…
    instead of complete draining,
    i only give a ‘kiss,’ then leave.”

    she whispered to me, softly, her words spin round my head; i cannot soon forget them, for this is what she said, “each day i hide in shadow; by night, i kill and eat. those who most despise me, i sample like a treat; when they are not looking, i dance into an open sleeve… instead of complete draining, i only give a 'kiss,' then leave.” ____________________ Image All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com

     

    All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com

  • Is an apology enough?

    I have been thinking a lot about what we should do when we commit a wrong and what it takes to be worthy of being truly forgiven by others. Here’s where I’ve ended up:

    Admit wrongdoing, accept personal responsibility, apologize sincerely, commit to any necessary rehabilitation, sacrifice personally to make appropriate reparations, submit to and endure reasonable penalties/penance, be the living proof that your rehab transformation was successful going forward.

    Apologizing, while necessary (in my opinion), is the easiest part of this (and, unfortunately, some will imitate sincerity that is not actual). Words, no matter how well formed, are not enough. That is why I believe the other steps are crucial.

    Imagine that one carelessly drops a beautiful vase and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. There is nothing they can say that will fix the vase. They must get down on their knees and cut their fingers picking up every piece, giving of their time and effort to carefully glue it back together again. If they are not willing to do so, they certainly do not deserve a thing of such beauty in their life. The vase is not compelled to healing and continued service by mere words.

    .

    We cannot expect any human to be perfect, but we owe ourselves decent standards and accountability. I think we can and should hold ourselves and one another to this kind of process as a healthy way back from bad decisions and wrongdoing. I think it’s important not to settle for less than the full process – commit to this yourself when you have wronged; expect this from others who have wronged.

    Like you, I have broken things. I am uncomfortably examining myself and demanding these steps. Like you, I have been broken. I will not accept less than these things as I heal.

    I am a person consistently full of hope. I believe that, most of the time, what is broken can be healed. That being said, the path to healing ain’t easy.

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  • she.leans.in.

    soft breezes blow; her memories stir
    she reflects on lies
    that sounded like love
    the evil seed of deception grew a towering tree
    he thought that it would fruit
    to feed only him
    but wickedness does not equal wisdom
    the tree is now her strength
    and has grown in his absence
    she is stretching her branches to shelter many others
    as a storm marches in
    her deep, strong roots take hold and
    she.leans.in.

     

    soft breezes blow; her memories stir she reflects on lies that sounded like love the evil seed of deception grew a towering tree he thought that it would fruit to feed only him but wickedness does not equal wisdom the tree is now her strength and has grown in his absence she is stretching her branches to shelter many others as a storm marches in her deep, strong roots take hold and she.leans.in. ***** #daysix #blackandwhitechallenge #poemaday ____________________ Image All Rights Reserved No use allowed without a license. For licensing inquiries, email me directly. thelotuscarroll@gmail.com